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It's amazing sometimes to realize that I've gotten to an age where everything is old hat. I've done enough, I've seen enough, that in my day to day life, nothing is a suprise anymore, even things that blind side me.

There are, of course, things I haven't done. Plenty of, in fact. I'm not talking about events though. I'm talking about basic human interaction. When things happen, I can't feel shocked and dismayed. Only a dull sense of "I should have known that was coming," and "I knew better." Everything just proves what I already knew but didn't.

And things have happened. And I don't feel shock and dismay. And I do feel that I should have seen it coming and that I should have known better.

Trust is always a sticky issue, especially when you've had to teach yourself how to do it. Moreso when you're repeatedly handed reasons to never do it. Conditioning works in the strangest ways.

Comments

( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
mjfgates
Jun. 9th, 2004 05:48 pm (UTC)
I believe that I shall hope and pray that this is not karltroubles.
maddening
Jun. 9th, 2004 05:56 pm (UTC)
Not in the slightest.

Although earlier tonight we got all frustrated at each other, talked about it, and then both apologized and hugged a lot.

That's about the extent of it as far as karltroubles go

mjfgates
Jun. 9th, 2004 09:40 pm (UTC)
Hokay. OTHER people being bastards isn't really a big deal.
umbrella
Jun. 15th, 2004 08:20 am (UTC)
This does not help I know, but in 4 years, this is truly the most thought provoking post I have read. Admittantly due to the independant questions I've asked myself due to it.

Trust is like a game of pass the parcel. Eventually you have to let someone else have a go to unravel it.
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )

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