A Non-Newtonian Fluid (maddening) wrote,
A Non-Newtonian Fluid

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heavy handed bar tenders are my friiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiends

I would like to be able to say that most of the people I've known who've talked about suicide and SI have been bluffing for help and attention.
The fact is, most of them were dead serious.
Most of them, however, only imparted their message after the fact.
Most of them never jumped up and down and begged for attention before hand.
I sort of wish they had.
They just took it and took it and took it.
They seemed sooooo strong.
Because they had to.
THey had to be strong. They had no options.

And ya know... if you really are on that edge. I would hope you *would* jump up and down and beg for attention.
But so many people aren't.
And so many people do it to push buttons.
And they have NO RIGHT to push those buttons.

But then again... some people need need need at all costs.
They have to have what they need. Damn what it takes. Damn who is left chewed up. Damn the carnage.
That bothers me.
I've had more than one person play suicidal on me.
And I've had more than just a few actually do it.
So when I know someone is playing at it. It just pisses me off. It's an effective call for help. Blatant as all hell. SO in that way.. it's good.
But it's also so fucking dirty.

I dunno.
I know too many people who are going through too much shit.
And right at this very moment it's not touching me.
So I can sit back and say what I will and won't do.
And all of that will turn into bullshit intellectualism when it comes right down to it.

how about ...
all of you just come over.
someone provide some green... okay .. a LOT of green...
and we'll just get drunk and high and stupid and fall into a cuddle puddle and it'll all be okay for a couple hours at least.

is that such a bad damned thing to want?
click off the brain
flick on the lighter.

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