3 revolutions of the soad.
still discontent and feeling empty headed dumb
for thinking music will fix these little pieces of me
Not so much shattered... just weak in spots.. SUPER GLUE! STAT!
figger that one out
Somehow... and I understand in an intellectual sense, but not in the deep down gut/bone sense... Anything that made me tangible made me unsuitable for speaking to.
Anything that proved my reality still makes me less important, just one of them, not the one who knows anymore.
just another flesh and blood thing running around the in world.
not any more special for being just another flesh and blood thing but still being the one who it was so easy to talk to
it bothers me
not because I want him
but because he so desperately doesn't want me
and I don't know how that happened
I won't ever know
but I can't stop picking that scab.
not now... giving it time doesn't work for me.
lump in my throat far too often for this to continue.
tells me he's thinking about me
tells me 'soon'
tells me that it will just take time, but he wants this friendship
he wants to be able to talk
he wants to be able to have my voice with him again
and I'm thinking yet again that it's bullshit
I'm thinking yet again...
maybe that's it
Have to stop that.
on the other hand.. .the closer I get to someone... the more distant I get.
bad time for introspection. bad time for this thought train.