But I do know that it's odd.
I've just wanted to walk up to people and say "I HAVE NIPPLES" just so someone else could share my awareness.
I'm odd mooded.
I'm still naggingly sad.
But it's nothing I actually want to discuss. It's nothing I need to get out, and it's nothing I need to delve into. It's there, revolving in me here and there. ANd I'm occasionally aware of the weight.
But it's okay.
It keeps me level. It's my counterbalance.
My souvenir paperweight of equanimity.
I've been thinking about work.
And what the breakdown is.
And why it isn't going to work.
But if I relay this to my manager, he'll say I'm just being negative. And he needs desperately for me to not be. His mood always mirrors mine.
Today a manager told me I looked sad.
I was actually just spacing off, waiting for my schedule to pop up in the print queue.
But I looked sad.
I'm very tired.
I need some shelter. Maslow was right. It's right up there at the top of the list.