A Non-Newtonian Fluid (maddening) wrote,
A Non-Newtonian Fluid

I can't read my friends list anymore.
can't do it.
Not tonight anyway.
Because there are things I want to say, and can't. Because that would make me a Bad Person.
Can't be a Bad Person.
That's for everyone else. And it would make me... ONE OF THEM... one of those who is a BAD PERSON.

This is what I always end up doing.
Shutting my mouth. Shoving it away. I don't even explode on people anymore. I used to. Oh HELL did I used to. I would just freaking go off on you for *absolutely* no reason. Except for all the reasons I had. They were probably reasons from months ago, when you did things that really pissed me off, hurt me, got to me, made me want to kill, and I just smiled and pretended it was all A OK! It's all good, man, no worries. I'm chill and cool and in control.
we're straight. ::nods::
Until that time two months down the road when all the shit I haven't said to you combined with all the shit I haven't said to every other fucking person in my life gets thrown in with all the things I'll never be *capable* of saying and the top blows just like a tom and jerry cartoon where jerry drinks something hot and his face goes red and the steam whistle blows, except I'll be screaming at you.. no whistles. No nice barrel of water at the ready for the extinguishing. Just having to burn out the fuel sources.
And I had coal and oil at the ready. the compressed fossil fuels created from alll ... that.... pressure....

But I won't go off on you anymore. You or anyone else. Because I've found my releases. I know my breaking points. And I know when I have to stop doing things now.

Like how I have to stop reading my friends list.

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