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So. My father is driving me (more) insane by flipping back and forth between the presidential adress (mostly applause at this point, but something I was actually interested in seeing) and the Return of Spock or some shit. All I know is I can hear Shatner and Scotty bantering and that broken, nearly painful speech saying something about the death of spock being unbearable.

I hit my knee twice since I came downstairs again.
I tried to take a nap
didn't work.
the tv downstairs was distracting
so I turned on music.
that was good.
almost asleep...
the phone rings...
wide awake again, waiting for someone to say my name, thinking it's probably for me.
after awhile..
no name...
so I drift off a little.
get right to the edge of it.. staring off into that nice deep blankness
and the door gets opened and I get told I have to come down and eat something.

SO I wasn't too fucking pleased, stomping down the stairs, looking like I'd slept, but really I had just been adjusted to the pitch black of the room and my hair was funky from the trying to find the sweet spot on the pillow.

So when my father nearly knocked me over, I pushed back and ended up going off balance somehow hitting the knee into the wrought iron handrail thing on the stairs.

ANd then again a bit later when I was getting up from the couch.. SMACK on the coffee table.
I actually teared up. Physical pain rarely makes me cry.. but this shit was bad...
and I'm sleep deprived as all hell.
I just don't sleep enough. I've had too much on my mind. Not bad things, not at all.. just things that keep my brain in motion long past the point when my body just can't do it anymore.
There is this spot on my neck that needs to be nuzzled... a lil hot breath... having one hot cheek on mine. the other on my shoulder... maybe a lil teeth.
I need the attendant neck to rest my hand on .. and hair to twist my fingers in.
I need the back to run my hand over and the arms ... the arms need to be doubled around me, like I was the last thing keeping them from flying off the earth and into the blackness of space.

I need a hug dammit.

my eyes burn and my knee hurts and I think that I'm just getting sicker but a hug would help. really.

and now I'm listening to bush.
and it makes me want to cry.
or scream
or both

and it makes me hate so much about my country and the people in it.

Comments

( 13 comments — Leave a comment )
frobisher
Sep. 20th, 2001 08:24 pm (UTC)
There is a vague chance I may be down your way at the beginning of October. If so, whether or not you get one by then, I'll plan on giving you a very major hug.
maddening
Sep. 21st, 2001 09:26 am (UTC)
You might be in the south?

is that allowed? I mean .... you'll burst into flames or something. You should bring bagels and lil statue of liberty figures to protect you against the pervasive southerness.

frobisher
Sep. 21st, 2001 07:07 pm (UTC)
Oh, phbbbttt.

My friends are having a record release party on the 6th, so I may come down with whoever goes from here.

And, I'll have you know, I've been to NC at least twice. so there.
maddening
Sep. 21st, 2001 08:48 pm (UTC)
so you've looked into the void...

no wonder you're so frickin weird.
frobisher
Sep. 21st, 2001 09:28 pm (UTC)
That's one of the reasons, yes...
scubast3
Sep. 20th, 2001 10:11 pm (UTC)
awww!!
this one goes out to ya, babe:

:::::::hug::::::::::

and this little extra sumpin:

*kiss*

:scuba
maddening
Sep. 21st, 2001 09:28 am (UTC)
Re: awww!!
why thank yew.
Though I think gates might be right. I'm probably looking for something just a bit less.... chaste..

HOWEVER... everything is welcome. Welcome welcome welcom.
punkalicia
Sep. 21st, 2001 05:49 pm (UTC)
Re: awww!!
*humps the ghetto ashtray's leg*

it's more than a hug...

and it's not chaste at all...
maddening
Sep. 21st, 2001 08:49 pm (UTC)
Re: awww!!
you humped my leg.


hehehe Ken will be SOO jealous.

mjfgates
Sep. 21st, 2001 07:44 am (UTC)
Bleah.
I hate it when that happens. 'Specially since it always seems to happen more than once-- if you try to take a nap once and get woken up, it's almost a sure thing that if you try to take a nap again, you'll get woken up again.

That's not a "hug", that's... I dunno. Something less generically friendly than a hug.
maddening
Sep. 21st, 2001 09:13 am (UTC)
Re: Bleah.
It's a hug.
It's a GOOD hug, dammit.
mjfgates
Sep. 21st, 2001 12:53 pm (UTC)
Re: Bleah.
But it's not a good hug if it's your grandmother giving it to you.
maddening
Sep. 21st, 2001 08:50 pm (UTC)
Re: Bleah.
hmmmm grandma coming onto me with the hug...

yeah, okay.. that would be bad.
and you're a sick lil fucker for even bringing that up.

you just like destroying my nice imagery.
( 13 comments — Leave a comment )

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