A Non-Newtonian Fluid (maddening) wrote,
A Non-Newtonian Fluid

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Well, that went badly

Whenever I talk to him and keep my wits, say what I need to say, am eloquent and calm and together... he's invariably otherwise occupied and not really listening.
I have to scream to get his attention. I have to force myself on him. I have to be the petulant little bitch.
So he never sees anything from me but the whiney, weepy side or the closed off, cold, entirely inaccesable side.
He likes neither.
He likes nothing.
Certainly not me.
And the worst of it is... I know that I love him. Yes. I just typed that. And it's true. I know that I love him. And he doesn't. But I KNOW. And so this is making it that much more difficult. I can't possibly let him in on this. I DO want his friendship. I DO want things to be alright. Dropping that bomb on him would be too much.
But neither do I want to be stuck in this soppy, unrequited mess.
Not a lot of alternative. He made free to tell me he'd be home around one tonight. So that'll be around two for me. And, well... I don't know if I'm prepared to scream for his attention.
He's going to have to find it in himself to listen for my quiet eloquence and maybe.. juuuust maybe I can trust him to try.

But I won't count on it, folks.


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