A Non-Newtonian Fluid (maddening) wrote,
A Non-Newtonian Fluid

From the Hidden Journal

I read something. I need you to hear it. because it's all those things you know. and that I know you know. but that... I still want to tell you. to let you know that I can tell you. to let you know that I want to tell you. to let you know that you're the only one I want to tell these things to anymore.

you are amazing.
you are this thing in my life that makes me humble. you're too good for me. I know this. I know it to the bone that you are too good for me. And I have to wonder if the egotist wasn't right.. if I really am a psycho. because ... I think I might be dreaming the parts of being me that are you. I think I might have made this up... a nice fiction to let me capable of breathing when my day is being one of my days. When the weight of my life is about to finally push out the last of what is me.
You're there. the reminder. the lighthouse.
you are my wonderful thing.

I don't understand why... why this 'awe' (your word) why this reciprocation.
but I'm prepared to stop asking why.
I'm prepared to accept.
I'm prepared for everything I have to do to make this work
to keep you
now that I think I might have you

I'm ready.
because you're wonderful
you're more than I've ever hoped for.
and I miss you so much
it hurts in this way that brings me comfort.
it hurts in a way that makes me play loud music to rip out the quiet sounds of my own sighing.
it hurts in this way that lets me know that... this... this here? this thing? frightening gaddamned thing? This thing is what I need.

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