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I'm sad. I'm going to hide in a movie... no disney this time. I don't know what... maybe the star wars trilogy I pulled out last night. maybe Magic. Maybe I'll just read.

I would wait around for MLL but aim is dead on me. My head hurts. And it feels odd. that full of cotton feeling I get. Full of cotton and full of the kind of things that are going to drive me insane sooner or later.

there are only so many times you can repeat to yourself what it is you want.
I don't know if I'm convincing myself or just affirming... but with every repetition I become less sure.
I'm not used to making up my mind. I'm used to letting my chips fall where they may and taking whatever comes. It's not so much that I'm a believer in choas... that's just how my life has always been.
And even a chaotic life can exist in a vaccuum. That's what I've been doing. I haven't moved in so long and the water is so stagnant and I can't understand how anyone can see anything worthwhile here in the muck. I'm a coward. I've always been a coward. and it's never been more clear to me than right now.

So I'm going to hide for tonight.
I'm going to pretend I can't hear

Comments

( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
drstinky
Oct. 9th, 2001 10:53 pm (UTC)
well
at LEAST your picture's cute...
maddening
Oct. 10th, 2001 03:01 pm (UTC)
Re: well
consensus on that pic is that only two people like it.
I guess you make a third?

apparently it's 'goofy'

I thought it was just neat the way the light cut out chunks of my face. In the original .. it's just darkness and that part of my face, silly grinning, poking out of it.

I just found a piece of paper on my desk that says "monkey butt"

drstinky
Oct. 10th, 2001 11:47 pm (UTC)
Re: well
i find your self-depricating honesty to be unattractive. GET WITH THE PROGRAM!

Anyway, *I* think it's cute. SO THERE!

chickenbutt
maddening
Oct. 11th, 2001 10:27 am (UTC)
Re: well
Oh no... I have angered the stinky....

so yeah .... giraffe spleen
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )

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