A Non-Newtonian Fluid (maddening) wrote,
A Non-Newtonian Fluid

I'm sad. I'm going to hide in a movie... no disney this time. I don't know what... maybe the star wars trilogy I pulled out last night. maybe Magic. Maybe I'll just read.

I would wait around for MLL but aim is dead on me. My head hurts. And it feels odd. that full of cotton feeling I get. Full of cotton and full of the kind of things that are going to drive me insane sooner or later.

there are only so many times you can repeat to yourself what it is you want.
I don't know if I'm convincing myself or just affirming... but with every repetition I become less sure.
I'm not used to making up my mind. I'm used to letting my chips fall where they may and taking whatever comes. It's not so much that I'm a believer in choas... that's just how my life has always been.
And even a chaotic life can exist in a vaccuum. That's what I've been doing. I haven't moved in so long and the water is so stagnant and I can't understand how anyone can see anything worthwhile here in the muck. I'm a coward. I've always been a coward. and it's never been more clear to me than right now.

So I'm going to hide for tonight.
I'm going to pretend I can't hear

  • Oh LJ...

    While I rarely have the energy or mental clarity for a fully fleshed out blah blah in the livejournal, I almost always have the energy for picspam…

  • Yep, still feeling old

    Well alright, Semagic has changed more than a little since the last time I used it. Heh. This is pretty ridiculous. Because Tamara has chosen to…

  • (no subject)

    I think I need to remember to keep the LJ open in the background. Download another client for it and actually run the thing. Maybe that will increase…

  • Post a new comment


    Anonymous comments are disabled in this journal

    default userpic