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City lights when viewed from above don't twinkle.
They're constant and solid.
They're the building blocks of city scapes.
They're the only thing that makes the darkened landscape anything more than a mirage.

Everything feels impossible right now. Everything feels wrong.
I'm in a daze becuase there's a spot in my vision where someone belongs and they're just not there.

I did a lot of driving around, I saw a lot of new things... the other coast really is a different world and I enjoyed so much of it.
But the best part of the whole thing was sliding my hand to the left and finding a warm and familiar hand invariably there.

So I'm a little broken right now because I just don't know what to do.
What the hell is my next step?
what the hell are my options?

I need to pull myself out of this blackness in order to see anything besides what I don't have.

I had planned to write up a more full account of what happened while in seattle... but I'm just not up to it at the moment. I have to find that state of mind in order to write about it and at the moment... it's just not fucking there...

Comments

( 10 comments — Leave a comment )
punkalicia
Nov. 6th, 2001 09:05 pm (UTC)
will you fucking PACK already.

goddam slowass bitches. always needing shit spelled out.

and what are you still doing reading this bitch. i said pack!
scubast3
Nov. 6th, 2001 09:19 pm (UTC)
i fuggin agree with her--

PACK!, bitch, PACK!

You are so better than the where that is your here.
You are so better than your now.

Claim the there in your future--
Take charge of your life, sweetie...
NO ONE ELSE IS GOING TO DO IT FOR YOU.

You said to me once...
They are your emotions and no one else is going to feel them for you or something to this effect....

THE SAME IS TRUE FOR YOU.

Your emotions are calling you.
No one else is going to listen. or act.
Listen. and act.

scuba.
maddening
Nov. 6th, 2001 09:30 pm (UTC)
with less than $1,000 to my name, no job, not really any skills, I should just move and hope I survive?

I got over the jumping without a safety net thing when I was a teenager.
scubast3
Nov. 6th, 2001 11:11 pm (UTC)
hmm... well i guess you would know best.
sorry to sound so imperative...
i just think that it sounds like you have something in your heart...
which might be like... more consequential than your wallet.
i too have less than 1000 dollars to my name, much less, no skills...
i dunno... i think there's a way...

i hope everything turns out okay.
let me know if you need to talk-
offer still stands- always here for you...

scuba.
maddening
Nov. 7th, 2001 02:48 pm (UTC)
I already know what I want and what I'll do.
I'm going to move.
I just need to step back a lil, do a lil planning so that I don't end up moving out there and then turning around and running right back home because I can't survive.

I had a long talk with the pertinant person last night and we started talking about all the 'how's of this thing.

It will work.
But it probably won't be instantaneous.

mjfgates
Nov. 7th, 2001 06:31 am (UTC)
Yeah, well, if you'd been reasonable about it, you woulda just cashed in your return ticket, but it's too late for that now.
maddening
Nov. 7th, 2001 02:52 pm (UTC)
Well, if I'd been reasonable about it I would have saved a lot more and been able to return here to pack and then just move.
But I really didn't have enough confidence in my feelings about the whole thing.
I second guess myself a lot.

punkalicia
Nov. 7th, 2001 10:35 am (UTC)
yes.

or you could live a miserable half life, hoping someone else will make it better for you.

seriously - now is the time.

i'm assuming you have a person to land with.

you could get seasonal work pretty quickly, and start saving - but actually be in the place you want to be.

so quit complaining and start your packing.

penis.
frobisher
Nov. 7th, 2001 01:30 pm (UTC)
Yes. Definitely penis.
scubast3
Nov. 6th, 2001 09:17 pm (UTC)
oh honey...
(hug)
and
(cup of hot cocoa)

:*(

scuba.
( 10 comments — Leave a comment )

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