I'm not hyper anymore.
I was very hyper.
It is gone gone gone.
I think I just forced someone into pity talking me
I talk too much.
I'm a loud babblin foo.
But it's their fault.
It IS dammit
and I'm very drained all of a sudden.
No residual bubbly.
Talking to these people is gonna kill me.
I really am mellow, I SWEAR.
here is your horoscope for May 08, 2001.
You should find yourself in a fairly good mood, Holly, although you might
have a hard time fully expressing yourself completely. Perhaps you feel as
if there is someone looming over your shoulder and keeping an eye on your every
move. You may feel like a kid in a classroom being watched by the teacher who
is acting more like a hungry hawk than a learning facilitator. Don't be intimidated
by those who put on a self-righteous air. You have just as much right to speak
your mind as anyone.
The cat is sitting behing me on the chair. His back feet are on the chair, his front feet are in the area of the back of my neck. And he keeps nestling his face into my hair and then "digging a hole" in it and repeating....
he has gotten *so* neurotic.
The other night he lept from the floor to my shoulder. he's not a small cat, dammit. Fully grown *big* variety of mutt cat. And he's getting old. He shouldn't be this twitchy and odd, ya know.
I thought he was supposed to gain ten pounds and start laying around a lot more...
I've got that sort of giddy, waiting for the world, Oh I just know something good is going to happen feeling.
It's that verge of love feeling. When you know it can fall either way and it's soooo delicate and precious and you just want to walk on your toes, nuture it.
I feel like... I really want to tread carefully.
but I know that the only way to be when I'm feeling like this is expansive.
I need to be popeye
I need to run right up to the puddles and leap into them, two big flat feet.
because I know this won't last.
This hairs breadth feeling is going to go away and I have to run around, catch it all on my tongue while I can.
Lays applewood barbecue and smoked cheddar Bistro Gourmet chips. I never eat these things.
I never eat chips.
But these things are INCREDIBLE.
I won't like them tomorrow, but right now they're just yummy.
I'm in the oddest mood.
Part of this is this feeling finally that everything is going to be okay.
I haven't felt anything even approaching that in a long while and it's really really damned good.
I can make things work.
I can fix my shit.
I can find my place.
Or... whatever place I want for as long as I want it...
but that doesn't sound as definitive, does it?
Another part of my weirdness is that .... weird crap just happens to me.
I take walks around my neighborhood all the time.
And last night I got followed and grabbed.
I got away from the guy, so I don't know what his goal was (which is good) but it just trips me.
I've dealt with shit alone at night in other neighborhoods, but only once before in mine. I thought that that was an isolated incident. I thought that it was cool, ya know.
And now, I'm sorta pissed.
Becuase it's getting to the point where I have to have a gaddamned chaperone to take a walk around my house.
I need outta here.
And I'm happy that I can say that with a smile.
becuase I *want* outta here too.
And I know exactly where I want to go.
I just need to get there.
And with a lil luck and some of my natural bullheadedness, I'll get there just fine.
And I've had people changing my perceptions lately.
and that is soooo incredible.
and uh ..yeha..
for some strange reason.
and I'm not all afraid to admit it.
You don't love me.
You just love my doggie style.