June 30th, 2001



I'm in a pretty shit ass mood.
My head hurts a lot.
Can't pry my eyes open.
I'm just generally... poop. Because well, Other people have been all poop around me and not told me. Not let on. Not just fucking TOLD ME.
And that would have been so much more preferable.
But hell, at least I'm getting told at all, right? And I undestand. Really. I do.
I get it and stuff. I *can* be level headed and understanding. :::nods:::

I'm just wondering if I'm really that thick headed.
Because I thought I was just this lil thing... flea biteish on the big big Lion.
Now it's looking like I'm the thorn in the paw.

So I guess I *am* just a blind blind lil person.
Did I mention my head hurts?
Well, it does.
in that dull migrainey way. Think it came on while I was sleeping. right temple, just over and behind my right eye.
Just .. throbbing...

I don't understand relationships.
I don't understand what's expected of me.
But I do know that I just consistently fail to meet expectations.
Whatever they may be.
I always know just how to dissapoint. ::nods::
I can't stand letting people down. Which is odd considering that that's most of what I do. People just expect way too gaddamn much out of me.
They dismiss the fact that I have NO money and that I have NO Place of my own, at the moment I have NO job (not for lack of looking either) and NO direction...
All of that is okay.
But then they want me to be around and available and all for them 24 hours a day. If I don't somehow take care of everything they need when then need it, how they need it, then I am just a fucking lousy friend.
I dunno..
I'm whining.
I think.
people just expect too much from me, really.
And even when they don't tell me that they're dissapointed... it's how I feel.
Number one fear sometimes is dissapointing people... that's why it's such a BITCH that they expect so much.
Because I know I'll dissapoint.

FUCK I am whining whining.

I need to shut up.
I think I'll clean out my cpu today.
it's dusty.

lazlopanaflex is a total crackhead, by the way.
And I mean that in a nice way.

But he just wants the booty, ya know.
  • Current Music
    Sublime - Under My Voodoo

(no subject)

Someone turned off the coffee before I was done with it.
That's a class one misdemeanor, carrying a $200 fine and a mandatory sentence of one hour of noogies.
  • Current Music
    The Bloodhound Gang - Along Comes Mary

(no subject)

from lazlopanaflex's Journal because well, I'm a lil bitch theif girl.
and I liked it.
Gil Scott-Heron : The Revolution Will Not Be Televised

You will not be able to stay home, brother.
You will not be able to plug in, turn on and drop out.
You will not be able to lose yourself on skag and skip,
Skip out for beer during commercials
Because the revolution will not be televised.

The revolution will not be televised.

The revolution will not be brought to you by Xerox
In 4 parts without commercial interruption.
The revolution will not show you pictures of Nixon
Blowing a bugle and leading a charge by John Mitchell,
General Abrams and Spiro Agnew to eat
Hog maws confiscated from a Harlem sanctuary.

The revolution will not be televised.

The revolution will be brought to you by the Schaefer Award Theatre and
will not star Natalie Wood and Steve McQueen or Bullwinkle and Julia.
The revolution will not give your mouth sex appeal.
The revolution will not get rid of the nubs.
The revolution will not make you look five pounds
Thinner, because The revolution will not be televised, Brother.

There will be no pictures of you and Willie Mays
Pushing that cart down the block on the dead run,
Or trying to slide that color television into a stolen ambulance.
NBC will not predict the winner at 8:32or the count from 29 districts.

The revolution will not be televised.

There will be no pictures of pigs shooting down
Brothers in the instant replay.
There will be no pictures of young being
Run out of Harlem on a rail with a brand new process
There will be no slow motion or still life of
Roy Wilkens strolling through Watts in a red, black and
Green liberation jumpsuit that he had been saving
For just the right occasion
Green Acres, The Beverly Hillbillies, and
Hooterville Junction will no longer be so damned relevant,
andWomen will not care if Dick finally gets down with
Jane on Search for Tomorrow because Black people
will be in the street looking for a brighter day.

The revolution will not be televised.

There will be no highlights on the eleven o'clock News
and no pictures of hairy armed women Liberationists and
Jackie Onassis blowing her nose.
The theme song will not be written by Jim Webb, Francis Scott Key,
nor sung by Glen Campbell, Tom Jones, Johnny Cash,
Englebert Humperdink, or the Rare Earth.

The revolution will not be televised

The revolution will not be right back after a message
About a whitetornado, white lightning, or white people.
You will not have to worry about a germ on your Bedroom,
a tiger in your tank, or the giant in your toilet bowl.
The revolution will not go better with Coke.
The revolution will not fight the germs that cause bad breath.
The revolution WILL put you in the driver's seat.
The revolution will not be televised,

WILL not be televised,WILL NOT BE TELEVISED.

The revolution will be no re-run brothers;
The revolution will be live.
  • Current Music
    The Bloodhound Gang - Hell Yeah