July 1st, 2001


grrr pointless rant

When I am strung out, giving blowjobs for crank.. begging for a shot...
then MAYBE you can say I have a drug problem.
My occasional use of E..
My weed smoking..
The fact that I will pop a muscle relaxant or two..
a narcotic or two...
every now and again..
Those things do not constitute a 'drug problem'
You can fuck way off if you ever think about stepping up and going to bat for my physical health by telling me to lay off the drugs.
I know what I'm doing.
I know why I'm doing it.
I am not running around ingesting everything that comes my way.
I am not a self destructive creature.
If I am tearing myself down
it's only to rebuild.
new designs.

When you really do feel the need to hang around and tell me how wrong I am...
I really do feel the need to stop listening.

Either you take me as I am... pill poppin, bowl smokin, lil freak ass that I am... or you step.
I'm really sick of the crap.
And I'm really sick of just being nice about it.

On a completely different note, vicodin doesn't really get rid of my headache, it just really makes me stop caring about it.
  • Current Music
    Bone Thugs N Harmony - First of the Month

Grins like to split my face

I'm spaced hardcore on the vicodin.
but I'm in such a good mood now.
I might just take another.
or a flexeril
because well, I don't do it often enough for it to get built up.
So I don't get used to it.
So I'm still a lightweight
I don't think I'd like it any other way.

gonna have to head up north when I have green again.
Get drugged up by mister flirty.
have an animal noise contest, fallin all over the place giggling.

I'm also gonna have to get out west for the long talk over coffee. The goofin off around gasworks. The smokin out and goofy makin.
And finally meeting the poor lil rich girl... takin her out to denny's... smokin her out too.. because that I just have to SEE.

I guess while I'm upnorth though I should buzz NY and maybe NJ.. see the peculier crew and Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaave and maybe Lemur Boy...

And if Alicia out on the west coast would DEIGN to see me, I'd have to have a designer drink with her at a condom emporium or something.
SOMETHING strange.

and ya know...
I'm babbling.
this is just my wish list though.
The west coast is probably my top priority at the moment.
so yeah ..
or maybe some nuetral spot.
maybe somewhere in nebraska.
lots of cornfields.
some lil diner
some no name town.
where we can shock the locals.
and giggle for days.

I get so hopeful and good feeling at 2 am..
too bad that's always gone by 8...

But I rock.
I know because he told me so.
And I am cute.
I know because the other he told me so.

and I'm not even high off my ass. ::shakes her head::: MAKE IT STOP.
well. heh. don't. don't make it stop.
  • Current Music
    C-murder - Nasty Chick


"bitch get the fuck out mah house... pick up yo dirty ass drawers.. get that come off ya chest... and wipe ya motha fuckin mouth.. and get the fuck out ... biiiiaaatch... "
  • Current Music
    C-murder - Nasty Chick

OKay.. enough..

Is it SODA or is it POP?

I warn you... giving the wrong answer will lead to mockery and derision.
and no one gets to say SODA POP.. that's even worse and you'll be hurt.

(no subject)

mmmkay. Maybe I just shouldn't post things as a question if people are going to attempt taking me seriously.

I got the screwed up lil aura thing today. I had the headache for a bit. But I had already dosed up.

I'm all just sort of generally annoyed. I know I still have all these things on my mind.. but I'm feeling less and less like putting them here. Because, well, I'm feeling less and less like any of the people who read this thing get an ounce of what I'm saying. And I need the understanding right now.
I think I'm going to have to start using that other journal for awhile.
Just so I can type it all... purge through the fingertips...
And not have to worry about all of you guys reading and judging and commenting.
Yes, I know, I could just make them private, turn off the comments...
But that's not me.
And maybe I'll get over this soon and feel good and right with the world.
But really what I want to do right at this very moment is cleave that friends list pretty much in half and discard the chunk that I know is just there on a whim and not because they actually dig or enjoy anything I have to say... the ones who have to pop up and play naysay.

Some of you for some reason I'm cool with.
most of you I'm just not.
No, I'm not going to list you all.
and no, I'm not going to do any culling tonight.
but soon, probably.

I can't use this as a forum for dumping my brain when I can FEEL the eyes.

(no subject)

I'm gonna end up in tears tonight.
It's one of those nights. I can feel it. Can't deny it.
Because people are annoying and I'm sick of crying on shoulders.
They're gonna rot with my tears and hell.. people NEED their shoulders because their burdens are just as bulky as mine.
right now.
right this second.
i feel it
it's down there below my lungs.
Finding a center to its spiral
finding a balance.
gaining purchase.

Leave mine to me ~ Greg Graffin ~ Bad Religion

There are desperate times upon us
There are codes of white and black
Political resentment
And people start to crack
There is hate and opposition
Theres fumbling dialog
Yet you sit there and judge me and you think it makes a difference.

If you think I'm all alone you are foolishly wrong
Theres an entire army
Who blindly follow along
And you happen to be one of them
Believe it or not
Even though you try not to be
We are of the same plague.

The other ways we're taught to fear
Don't even scratch the surface of the problem here
I'm not blind and I'm not scared
So many crucial factors exist out there
And they're but one, and we're but two
And how we come to terms will help us pull through.

Things cannot change too fast
It took us this much time
To reach our current platform
And walk this fragile line
If I thought it'd make a difference
I'd kill myself today
But so many are like me
Lost in the fray

You create your own reality
And leave mine to me

(no subject)

Okay.. what the hot holy FUCK?
Figures it's in Mooresville, NC...
the profile of the 'master' on the page is funny too...
it says he's your 'typical technical genius' and is 'wise well beyond his 22 years'
If he's such a technical genius, why does their page suck that hard?
And why the hell is SHE putting up her *resume* on her lil sex site?
People who live like this are funny.
funny funny.
but entertaining.
and .. well... a little scary too...
angel is looking over at Master, sleeping, and thinks over all the things He's said, last night and all the weeks before, and she'd grateful. This girl is grateful for His patience with her, for it has been a long hard road of fighting the hurt and fear, the inability to trust, and teaching His girl what true love is. In return, angel has devoted herself to Him, and has begun to understand what slavery really is. "A ring is love, but a collar is happiness." To see the expressions on His face when angel whispers the most sincere "angel loves You, Master".. the flush a girl gets beneath his praise, the great lengths He has gone to protect and take care of His posession. angel couldn't ask for anything more.

That right there... that... hmm.. it scares me I think.