July 10th, 2001


Go read this.

It's a mind fuck.
One thing I've learned for sure: if your town has zombies it does no good to
call an exterminator. Usually everyone will die before help can arrive.
Zombies are terribly contagious. Sometimes when I am aware of being in
routine spaces I am reminded of how close we all are to the teetering edge
of quiet desperation. Hamlet seemed to feel as if he walked in a zombie
world. Denmark, like our world, was rotten with decay and corruption.
Nothing lasts. Everything has a fatal flaw. When I was a kid my dad used
to lament: why can't they build things that last anymore? I wonder if
'they' ever did build things able to last. Is it reasonable to expect human
engineers to do something that god couldn't? The huge rates of depression
in our society may be a symptom of our awareness of the great cosmic ripoff.
As Philip K. Dick once said, "It's a cardboard universe and if you lean too
hard against it you fall through." Monsters are a reflection of this
reality. Life will dish up the distasteful from time to time. Things
horrible to face like death, the inevitablity of decay or just plain ennui.
Flash your mind back to Calvin of the old comic 'Calvin and Hobbes' fame.
Try to remember him sitting at the kitchen table. In front of him is
dinner: the infamous monkey brain stew. His look of disbelief is one we've
all felt. Is this for real? Isn't there something else on the menu?

It's insanity.
And I'm diggin in.

aye carumba

Christ almighty I love this damned song.
ANd ya know.. I think I'm gonna take a lil cue from azmatiq and list some things I *like*.. just because I've been a negative lil whore.
(and I'm over that word. I'm so glad I'm finally over that word. That rocks)
I Like:
.... This song. Outkast is fucking incredible.. thanks to MLL for sendin this to me...
.... Having someone to finally fucking GET IT
....grooving in the house, headphones on, eyes closed, shaking my ass... my bubble of sound... my world complete...
.... slurpees
.... Drink umbrellas
.... gift packages
..... 8 hour phone calls
.... vitriol, wit, word smithing, art made with voice and mind and lexicon..
... the phrase "subvert the dominant paradigm"
.....reading to someone
.....re reading something I've written and smiling at it...
....hanging up the phone and putting my head on the pillow with a smile turning my lips.
...waking up with that smile still there...
.......sanctioned and promoted mockery...
and .. wow.. oh wow.. so much more.
I like so so so so much.
Right now... I want to be at a party... with my arms out straight, head down, dancing, that amp stack my partner... hands caressing the waffles... letting those fingers caress my hips.. find the rhythm.. grind it into me..
I want to be lost in a sound.
that is one sound.
that is every sound.
made beautiful.
  • Current Music
    Outkast - B.O.B. (Bombs Over Baghdad)

nuttin but wuuuuuv

ZYX: I just saw Radiohead live two weeks ago. They were freakin' amazing.
ZeeVert: yeah I heard that their tour was pretty incredible this year
ZYX: Yeah. I was inspired.
ZYX: I almost took off my pants.
ZeeVert: almost?
ZeeVert: couldn't have been *too* inspired.
ZYX: Yeah. Not quite.
ZYX: It probably would have been awkward in the midst of 22,000 people.
ZYX: I guess.
ZeeVert: not if they were all moved to take off their pants too
ZYX: True, true.
ZeeVert: one big swaying pantsless love fest
ZYX: Mmmmmm....

Just got a horny lil letter from someone.
that was a suprise.
and I dunno how to respond... hmmm...
I'll think about that later.
I have to finish this cuppa...
Go to the mail joint...
MAYBE buy some shoes... dunno yet..
and get back here and call Chris about that jobby job.
Yeah, I'm about to have a jobby job again.
at the same fuckin place I was at before.
But the manager is different
and he digs me.
and he trusts me.
and he knows me.
and he'll fuckin listen to me.
and he wants to CHANGE things.
the most popular manager in the store.
everyone likes him.
Because he's gaddamned incredible.
and he'd be my manager.
and he's talking to the store manager today about me being hired back right where I was...
it would be nice if he could get me the same salary...
but that won't happen.
I dunno...

(no subject)

I sent the package.
I went to the store to see what was up about the job and got handed a schedule.
I hadn't even said YES and they already put me on the schedule.
So that's alright.
And it'll be full time.
So that's even better.
First day back is Friday.

The only problem is .. heh.. okay ..
I was scared they'd make me a cashier.
I was hoping they'd bring me back as a supervisor.
and what I didn't think was even possible has happened.
Claire, the asst. front end manager is having major stress issues at home...
Her son attempted suicide about 4 months ago.. the bullet lodged in his head and basically blinded him.
He's alright now.. but still blind...
She's sent all of his information to a hospital in philadelphia that's doing optic nerve repair research and they're close to developing some massive improvements in the field.
If they pick him up for a study, she will go. Moments notice.
So she doesn't want to be in charge of the scheduling and the running of the front end if that happens. She doesn't want to just... lay that down and have no one to pick it up.
So she's switching departments.
So I'll be taking over her job.
I was a fucking supervisor.
I was NOT a scheduler.
I have to learn how to do that in a week.
What the hell am I going to do?
Everyone insists that I can do it.. but I don't know.. I'm not feeling too confident..

I was hoping they'd make me a part time supervisor and all of a sudden I'm a full time asst. manager.
I ... I'm freaked.
But sorta happy.

(no subject)

"You have a buttsuckingly old version of AIM. We are going to bug you for months about the fact that you have an old version of AIM. It will be annoying and it will be incessant. So you should just upgrade now and avoid that sort of trial. No, Really... you should."

"Okay, so you finally took the advice, upgrade to the new version of AIM! WOHOO! We're gonna install a bunch of shit on your computer to go with that (like the trial codes for 1,000 hours of aol and 30 different shortcuts so you can get to aim from EVERY FOLDER ON YOUR HARDDRIVE) but ya know... we LIED... we want you to update to the SOOPER DOOPER NEW version of AIM... it's a beta and it will probably be buggy as all fuck.. but you should use it.. because we're aol and WE RAWK!"

fuckin shit.