September 14th, 2001


(no subject)

Bomb threats.
My city keeps getting bomb threats.
Today it's at the mall that's right up the road. They're closed down, parking lot closed, security and police everywhere.
I've never understood the need to throw in and add to the fear. But there it is. It always happens. We're a sick and twisted people. I don't know if it's only an american thing, or if it's an issue in other countries as well, but I have a feeling it happens here more than in other countries.
We're such a sick and twisted people.

They're discussing the president's poll points.
How popular he is now that he's delivered a whole speech without stuttering.
How this is going to catapult him ahead in the popularity polls.
How his demeanor is going to effect poeple's opinions of him. And how this is going to help his career.

I shouldn't be suprised at this, but I am.

From the Hidden Journal

I keep saying " I like you" ... so much emphasis on 'like' too much emphasis on 'like'
And it's because that's an inadequate work .
But any other is too much, maybe?
Appropriate, I think... but too much? Because I don't want to be wrong. I don't want to be a liar. I don't want to regret anything in this. And I haven't so far. I've been so grateful and wonderfully suprised and thankful and .. just...

I feel humble. And I feel bold. I feel like we're this unstoppable, unbreakable duo. Fear and awe enducing. Conquering and shining benevolence.
I feel like a superhero with another superhero for a sidekick. I feel like we're equals who are greater than the sum of our parts. I feel like we're incredible. We are something to stop and take note of. We are excellent.

I feel like an idiot feeling these things. I feel like .. maybe just maybe... that I'm over stepping my bounds. Writing the death sentence by being bold here.

I want to lean into him. I want him to always be there to be leaned into.
I want to feel that support.
I've never wanted to be carried. But if he wanted to carry me... I'd offer up my arms, I'd make myself easier to reach, easier to hold.

I know these things. And I know they disturb me. and I know that they don't disturb me enough for me to break or sabotage or run or disrupt or poison.
I know that they are wonderful things.
And I know how much I want them.

I've never been ready for this.

but suddenly I am so ready for this.