December 11th, 2001


(no subject)

It wasn't too painful.
It wan't too great either.

Dave cheered me up earlier in the day.. I will say that.

Then it ebbed back off.
I talked to Tim.
He didn't remember.

I got mail from Chuck. he said happy birthday, I said thanks, then he wrote back to ask "it was today, wasn't it?"

Then I talked to my sweets. And he's made me feel much better.

So WHAT I had another shitty fucking birthday?
It's not as if I expected more... but my mother's tones. She told me to come down for presents, I was on the phone with Chad. She told me to bring the phone "Bring the phone?" yeah, you're talking to Chad, right? "yeah" , good. Come on down...

The good. The bring the phone.
My chest got tight. I was excited by the possibility of a birthday gift for the first time in years.
I usually just feel guilt.
I was... tense... I was scanning packages.. laughing giddily.
A sweater, a photoshop book, a kid's book on Hannukah, Holiday's on Ice, earrings.

Nothing to warrant the tightness in my chest.
Just the usual.

Not that I expected more.
But I sort of hoped.

Guess I really *won't* be getting help. I guess it's just me and him.
Probably the good way.

(no subject)

and a VHS of Jabberwocky.
I forgot that part.
My mom saw it... saw it had Micheal Palin in it... thought I'd probably like it. Jabberwocky was the other present.

I open up and find a comment "Maddening rox my world"

Hehe.. just putting it where you hope I might see it, sweets? ::grin::

Haven't even had coffee yet. Apparently it's been "let holly sleep way too long" week.
I don't care if I don't sleep until 6 am. I don't want to sleep beyond 11.

Woke up at 2:30.

I'm wearing the ring that's way too big. it's on my index finger and I have to kind of... hold it on with my middle finger. It really is a nice ring. Just made for a hand WAY too big for me...
I forgot about getting this too because, well, it was unusable from the get go.
My mom used to pick my ring size by trying the ring on her thumb.
That just doesn't work anymore. The rings that were too tight for my ring finger in high school are just barely okay for my thumb now, but most of them have been retired to the jewelry box with the other things I can't wear anymore because of size.. or because it's just freakin ugly.

I was an ecclectic child. Chili pepper earrings... abalone shell bracelets.
Guh .. the picutres make me cringe ::nods:::

(no subject)

My hatred of Christmas is setting in.

They're posting want lists on Debate.

Christmas is that time of year when the haves and the have nots get so easily divided.
You can always tell.

(no subject) (

Don't flame people anonymously in my journal, lamar.
I don't care what your previous history with them is. My turf. Not yours.

(no subject)

The funniest and most repeated thing on the pro anorexia communities on LJ is "I'm not as thin as I would like to be"

Well, no shit.
You're anorexic.
You're never thin enough.