February 4th, 2002


(no subject)

out of curiosity, last night I sent bob a message and asked if he'd ever talked to Jay.
I got mail from Jay today.
He was drunk, wanted to update me on the last two years of not talking to me, but just left me with a Planet of the Apes quote instead.

Just a total shock. But that's cool. The last I'd heard from him, he'd taken a day job and started hanging out at a goth bar and playing tennis on his days off. He dropped all his corpo-hate bulldada and stopped reading chomsky.
So seeing what he permutated into will be interesting, given how alike we used to be.

I'm in a fairly decent mood today. That has everything to do with Chad. He knows I'm feeling pretty damned lonely. He knows this makes me sad and moody. And he also seems to know all the right things to say and do to make that go *poof* when it gets to the crushingly difficult levels to deal with.

I should really rip apart my room and go through the contents of my closet.... And I think I actually will.


I think I actually will.
What to keep, what to leave. What to throw the fuck away. This is the difficult part. What parts of my life (as all these things are, despite what Tyler Durden has to fucking say about it) are disposable? What parts are things that I couldn't dare toss away?
Clothing... doesn't bother me at all.
And most of the dresses that still even moderately fit (I was wearing them when I was a size 22 or so.... so most of them don't even remotely fit) will be kept along with certain of the clothes that I stopped wearing when they got too tight.
I thought my clothing was way too damned much.. but it's not really. But I know that when I get out there and have spent about 6 months in a brand new climate, I'm going to do another cull and get rid of all the things I've not worn in years and REALLY aren't worth holding onto anymore.

Why am I babbling.
I'm avoiding this.
Because I have to go try on all those clothes now.
And really... seeing how baggy everything is ... it doesn't make me feel good, like you'd suppose.
It makes me look back on my life and realize I really was that much of a HUGE GIRL.
Backwards as hell, I know. But did we expect less from me? Hmmm?

But ya know what?
I've got really nice hips.

(no subject)

My mom is reading "Captain Underpants and the Invasion of the Incredibly Naughty Cafeteria Ladies From Outer Space" and cackling like a deranged witch.

I adore that woman.