June 13th, 2002


(no subject)

I started cleaning and stuff. I'm going to have to be brutal about what stays and what gets thrown away.
That's alright. I'm good at that.
My mother brought me home some veggie rolls so I'm taking a lil break and having FOOD.

I was going throught a lil book I have and writing in numbers, trying to organize some stuff that I actually need to hold on to while I trash everything else and I realized that there are only a few people who've made it through more than two of my "need to rewrite the phone numbers" things (I do this fairly often).
I tend to befriend people who are pretty damned broken. They don't stick around long.
At the same time, I have a tendency to go through cycles of pulling away from people and there are only so many of those you can go through and keep the friends. hehe.. It's kind of difficult to go hang with people you just haven't talked to in 6 months... for no reason other than you just didn't talk to them.

But I noticed that somewhere along the way I got rid of Jason's contact info. I was pretty sure it was out of date as hell anyway. I doubt he stayed living in that house when the owners were going through a divorce and he was unemployed.
But the other reason was becuase every time I'd flip open the lil book to look for a phone number I'd end up seeing his adress and wondering if he was dead or not.
There were so many things with him I should have handled so much better.
I wanted to be nice so much that I forgot that I should be *honest* first.

I can't fix that now...but the lesson is a good one.

random and scattered

I'm actually considering going to sleep.
Well, I'm drinking coffee... but really.. I'm considering going to sleep.

I think I'm going to do a dlbags here.

On this day last year....

Okay.. well.. that was horribly depressing....

That was just a couple days before that whole thing with Sean.
Has that really been a year? That's really been a year. Man.

I like the way I used to write. So disjointed and flowing.
I can't manage that much anymore. My brain chemistry changed somewhere along the way and it's hard now to not make fuller sentences. (Fuller brush man. hehe... RANDOM!)
I think I maybe just drink less coffee and get more sleep.
When I get a good insomnia streak back on I'll get back to my old obtuse ways.

There is a story about a kid in the paper who'd graduating from high school with a 5.0 gpa.
He's taking an AP advanced chemistry class.. ::nods::
He's the first kid in the history of the school system to have a 5.0.
When I read things like that, I think for a bit that I should have really applied myself in school, gone through the AP crap, taken the stupid SATs and gone to college when I should have.
Instead I just did a lot of acid and did throw away "B" work.
I'm getting old.
I'm regretting high school because I didn't study hard enough.
I'm also getting to that point in my life when I think about relationships in the "is there any chance I would ever marry this person and have kids with them?" way instead of just the "do they make me all giggly?" way.

I scare me.