June 24th, 2002


(no subject)

Bored Bored Bored.
Very Bored.
Dan was here until an OBNOXIOUS hour last night. He watched tv while I was online He tried to work out that knot in between my shoulderblades from my stresses. When that didn't work, he sat on the floor in the bathroom and talked to me from the other side of the shower curtain while I took a really really long, really hot bath. And he let himself out and locked the door after him so I didn't have to go downstairs with him and end up freezing to death. I think he still feels guilty about being a shit over COOKIES the other day.

But I really needed the niceness last night.
I'm still feeling like a really needy person in general.. and it's still annoying me. I really really don't like feeling like this.
My life is just pretty damned empty at the moment.
And ya know... I know what I want. I know exactly what I want. I just don't know if I've got the patience to work toward something that may very well never ever ever ever happen. Heh.. Cheery this evening, no?
I've just got a lot on my mind. A lot that I can't talk about. Weird things that bubble up at the wrong time (always at the wrong time) and I can't bring myself to inconvenience anyone or let myself feel that fragile.
So I haven't been. And I probably won't... not anytime soon anyway.

I need to force myself out of my stupor.
I need to get a shitty little job that I'll hate. I need a reason besides "it's almost noon" to be out of bed.
And then maybe, hopefully, some of these things that are killing me will begin to resolve.


I really don't want to go to the dentist. I've got a tiny cavity in one of my molars. It's not big enough to show up on an x-ray, but it's just decayed enough to grab at the little sharp pointy thing they try to jam into your teeth when you go in for a cleaning.
It shouldn't take long, shouldn't be invasive (nor should it be invasive) , but I really really hate this whole thing.
I, like most people, have one little horror story from the dentist when I was a kid.
Apparently he put my hysterical crying and flailing down to me being just scared of the drill.

I just really hate this crap and I'm really tense. I should have just skipped the wake-up coffee and stayed groggy. Not that I'm exactly bright eyed and bushy tailed (hurhurhur.. I said "bushy") but still.

(no subject)

I've done a lot of scanning and cropping the last two days, But I've still got at LEAST another 50 pics to scan in and resize and such.
It's easier to do them three at a time on my tiny tiny little scanner, but it's still a pain.
It's just kind of time consuming.
Of course, now I'm all reminscing about the first weekend I met Karl. I just went through a lot of those pictures.
I don't think I stopped smiling the whole time I was there and it was such a shitty shitty time for me. Chad and I had just had the argument that lead to me deciding it was all done. And I was really really *really* upset.
But it was aaaaaaaaaall okay when I was there hanging out and being silly and obnoxious.

Wish I could sort of.. .relive that.
I need a hell of a lot more of that in my life.