July 20th, 2002


list type appraisal

-I'm not happy with my vision.
-I feel really ugly today.
-There will be tears before the day is over. There already has been. There will be more.
-I'm sad, lonely, irrationally emotional, and I've got the most incredible chocolate jones ever. pms is with us my brothers and sisters.
-I have to focus really carefully to see text. Computer text or paper text. This isn't a good thing for the voracious reader. I guess I'm going to have to get the more expensive lenses.
-My sister makes me feel instantly irritated and dejected.
-I *really* really feel ugly today.
-I need a haircut
-I'm downloading music.
-I'm sitting really close to the screen
-there are multiplying snails on the patio in all sizes of maturity, including eggs. I think this is pretty damned cool.
-I need a hug.
-no comments on this one. If it's that important, send me mail.
  • Current Mood
    gloomy gloomy

(no subject)

at my current download rate of 2499.71bps it will take a remaining 261:12 minutes to download this 4 mb song.

The world mocks me.
  • Current Mood
    amused amused

(no subject)

Those of you on my friends list because you have my affection (you're just someone I dig for one reason or another) or you've got my attention (I just enjoy reading your LJ) and for some of you it's for both reasons.
That's the first thing.
The second thing is you don't make me feel bad about me. You don't make me feel small. You don't hurt my feelings, intentionally or not. You think before you speak (most of you.. heh) and you understand that sometimes I vent and need reassurances, kindness, support.. and sometimes I vent and I want someone to point and laugh and mock with me. You understand the difference in those states and when you don't, you don't just forge ahead.
I know this has been said over and over.
I'm tired of saying it.
I'm tired of having to lay out basic laws of behavior for the same people over and over. I'm tired of feeling like a demanding bitch for just asking someone not to do something that they *know* I don't like.

My life is really weird right now. I need to focus as much as possible on fixing it, making it better, making it a *good* life for myself. This isn't simple or easy for me. I've just made up my mind. Whatever I have to do to make my life, even in the smallest respect, a little easier on myself, a little more manageable, that's what I'm going to do.

If you want to paint me as a rotten bitch, horrible friend, bad person, heart breaker, brute, so be it. I won't try to disabuse you of that opinion. It's not worth my time or energy.
If I step on some toes, upset some of you, confuse some of you, not give you the answers you want.... I'm not sorry.
  • Current Mood
    determined determined