August 11th, 2002


(no subject)

So I'm bored.
And I've had a bit of a relapse into the depression that was kicking my ass but that I thought I was putting behind me a little.
I'm just aggravated for no reason. Sad for no reason. I would say it feels a lot like PMS... but it's really not the right time frame for that. I'm still very alone feeling. I'm here and the rest of the world, all of them, are over there.. out there... very far removed.
I was never a loner by choice.
But just needing someone around is one of the things that left me in deep shit and serious circumstances with people who weren't good for me time and time again. I'd rather be miserable and alone than start that cycle of crap all over again.

I'm thinking that maybe I just want too much?
I dunno.

I have to force myself to bed early tonight so I can get up and try to catch the HR lady again... she wasn't in today and they won't give me an idea of when she'll be in (they don't pass out schedules over the phone... too many freaks in the world). So I just have to keep calling until I find her in.
My fear is that orientation is actually tomorrow and I'm going to be sleep deprived and out of it when I really need to not be.

If it isn't tomorrow I'm going to finish cleaning the dining room, then sand and put the first coat of paint on the cabinet my mom has had sitting in the garage for .. oh .. 4 years or so. It's oil based so it's going to have to dry for at LEAST 24 hours until I can put the other color on, then that will dry. Then poly, then dry.
THEN, I can do the antiquing and a final tackcloth once over... so yeah .. several days project here.
But it'll help with the household squalor.
I hope.
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