August 30th, 2002


(no subject)

I was reading (and doing the breathing and pre-exercises in) this Pilates Method book I have.
It's actually a combination of pilates, yogo and dance elements (balletic movements and stretches). I was just amazed. The breathing exercises... very simple things, make you feel sooooooo much better.
Well, okay, they make *me* feel so much better.
Basically, this is what they are:

Kapalabhati the breath of fire, the foundation for the Hundred breath and warming up (short, invigorating bursts of breathing)
Retention with the three locks, to increase lung capacity and strengthen the heart (I never thought I'd read a fitness book that tells me to constrict my perineum)
Ujjayi the smooth concentrated breath for all yoga poses (my favorite)
Basic inhalation and exhalation with abdominal contraction for all the Pilates exercises
Alternate nostril breathing for final meditation (heheh.. this is goofy, but effective)

The book is Jennifer Kries' Pilates Plus Method and I reccomend you pick it up just to be FREAKED OUT by really really simple things like... feeling every muscle in your arm.. really *feeling* them, but in a non painful way.
I did the breathing things last night before bed and I slept like a rock.
I never sleep like a rock.

I think I'm going to continue this and see if it continues. Because anything that helps me sleep is very very worth it and after I'd done the exercises I was *so* very relaxed.

(no subject)

Maybe Joe isn't an asshole. Maybe he's just a dude who's at work, is working, and that's that.
That would be something I understand.
I dunno... I worked til 9:30 tonight and grabbed my schedule, I'm up to almost 30 hrs which is good. And I'm not still wandering around wondering what the hell to do or who to ask.
Another week and I'll have zero problems at all. And there was a guy without a name tag who I had some weird staring thing going on with. He was kind of cute. Probably about 18 years old and therefore laughably too young... but after the staring there was talking and then more staring.

So so bizarre to actually have "I wonder if he's doing THAT sort of staring" thoughts. Not totally weird considering how lonely I've been... but I just don't think thoughts like that.
A lot of extra long looks from several people have made me realize that I really do have reach-out-and-slap-you-eyes... and I think that's a big part of it. Plus I laugh at weird times. Usually when I'm thinking "Karl would find this funny"

I miss Karl very very very much.

I want a cigarette.
I won't have a cigarette... because I don't have any.
And I want a camel light wide, packed really well, out of a fresh pack.

Sometimes I still really want cigarettes. It's not physical addiction. I just *liked* smoking sometimes. A cigarette with a cup of coffee or with hard liquor.
I think though, that I'm not there yet. I'm not at that point where I can occasionally smoke and not start buying packs and running outside for breaks and walking to the store at 3 in the morning because I ran out and it's an insomnia night.

A few more months maybe. The thing is... I hadn't been counting. I haven't been "a smoker" for a couple months now. That's neat.

But right now, tonight... I really really want a cigarette.

(no subject)

270 cal smartones veggie sandwich.
50 cal per cup coffee + cream+sugar (4 cups)
200 cal 1 cup egg noodles
35 cal 1 pat butter.

705 calories today. I'm consuming less on average than most of the chicks in that fucking anorexia community. And yet I've still got a boutious glorious ass and hips.
Maybe it's the worry that they're going to gain weight that keeps them so greyhound thin.

(and I get 300 crazy points for actually looking up the calorie counts..)