November 15th, 2002


(no subject)

Since I was FLOODED by the outpouring of caring and concerned emails, I've been seriously considering using my second journal. Maybe make it private, maybe only so that a few can read it. It's not the prying eyes that bother me right now. It's the feeling that no one gives a shit.
I'm probably being self absorbed. Well, when you're this depressed, it's hard not to be.
This last week has been full of intense ups and downs and it's left me feeling sick.

Today I went to lunch with Brandon at his request... where we talked about his ex girlfriends, girls he thinks are hot, and some of the bullshit that goes on between people we know mutually. Nick thinks I flirt with him...But then Nick thinks I flirt with the cart guys. Nick thinks a laughing conversation is flirting, I think. I like to think I'm equally nice to all the dumb little boys (that's brandon's new name for the day... "Dumb Little Boy"...),
I can see why certain girlies would be all about him. But he's such a goober too.
It's weird for me because I can SEE Scott in so many of his facial expressions that it's really disturbing. They've obviously spent way too much time together. And because, again, trendy-ish dude who's all about the 'hot chicks' and bands like Good Charlotte.
I've just seen way too much of it.

He even does that "ooh, look at *that* chick!" thing. Makes me fucking crazy. I'm ALWAYS the girl buddy. The ones who are really googly over me are always broken or weird. Well, the ones I'm a girl buddy too are often broken or weird too... but it's usually in different ways.

I told him today that if he didn't stop that crap, I was going to key his car.

Tom the stock guy apparently decided today that the playful pushy thing wasn't enough. So when I very lightly chucked him in the arm, he hit back. The first time.. okay, fine... I deserved that because I *did* hit him first. The second time I was just walking by and he punched me in the arm. I dunno if he doesn't know his own strength or what but dammit, it freakin hurt. He's all about the flirty thing. With him it's obvious. Today he had to follow up a comment about my having a childlike face with "it's also a really damned scary face."
Because he's a dumb little boy too and posessed of an 8 year old mentality.
He pulls my pigtails, so he must dig me.
But the punching was way out of line and i'm bruised now, the cockmonkey.

I need to take a camera to work for a few days. I need pictures of these people.

I just had a much needed talk with Jessie. No more bottling. That's the new policy. woe to those who make me feel like shit, and woe to those who make me happy. You'll be hearing about it.

(no subject)

Between the Pop Will Eat Itself and the Cokla Coma Karl sent me I'm in damned fine music heaven.
Dos Dedos Mis Amigos from PWEI is just an *incredible* gaddamned album if you like harder, crunchier music.

If you're a fan of Yanni.. uhm... pass it by. yeah.
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