January 27th, 2003


(no subject)

I just ate an entire roll of ritz crackers.
They were practically begging me to do it.

I really *really* need to clean off my desk. Becuase I would like to scan some photos. And also becuase I'm tired of the stacks of papers and envelopes and tissues. (you can definitely tell that I've been a victim of the cold season this year)

I've been harrangued into some wierd breakfast thing tomorrow. I was planning on ducking out of it with the excuse that, hey, it's at 9... I work at 6... can't be there, man. But since it's a WORK breakfast, they're apparently not going to give a shit about that. Melissa called me today to make sure I was going. TOLD ME I was going, actually. It's for all the employees who've gotten special recognition in one way or another over the last year. I was told a month ago that SEVERAL months ago I'd been given some doofy lil award thing. That's why I'm getting dragged to this thing.
It's for ALL the stores in the area too. So I get to be shamed and made to feel weird in front of lots of strangers too. In my work uniform.
But hey, as long as they're buying the coffee and pancakes I plan on consuming... that's alright I guess.
I've decided that when I was steadily and without fail feeling good on a day to day basis was when I wasn't thinking about it. When I wasn't thinking about it, I had a tendency to eat whenever the urge took me. And to eat whatever I was craving.
So fuck it, we'll give that a shot for a bit. I certainly felt happier today eating something around 10 o'clock and then again around 1 than I have eating nothing all day until about 8pm.
Heh, I wonder why...

The thing is.. the things I crave tend to be fruit and veggies more often than not. I'm not a freak for the super high fat or the super high sugar foods. Although I do every now and again just absolutely *require* a chocolate creme Krispy Kreme donut. heh.
So I'm not really food obsessive (as I appear to be looking over the journal lately)... I just have food based (mostly blood sugar) issues that not only effect my moods, but trigger migraines and bouts of extreme fatigue and so forth. I just ... well... I don't take very good care of myself.
Trying to fix that.

Think I'll start drawing dots on my forehead. In a random, but consistent configuration. With a blue marker.
Just so when people ask me what the dots are for I can sneer, say "you don't KNOW?" and then snort derisively.

There is a hunting show on the television right now.
Just my little opinion here... there's nothing neat or cool and certainly not *noble* or part of a proud tradition about shooting and killing animals. Especially when you're a well heeled yuppie fucker doing this shit for sport in your eddie bauer hunting vest.

I've been slugging down coffee for over an hour and I'm still not feeling any awake-ifying effects. And this lotion my mom gave me to use that's supposed to smell like almonds and honey smells like fresh quality tobacco.
Of course, I think several things smell like that.
Like freshly ground, freshly brewed good quality coffee. MmmMmm.

I was given a little gifty gift of a copy of Donnie Darko today. Just looking at the cover I got "Mad World" stuck in my head. If you've never heard the song... you should. Somehow or another when I first heard it, it was just the most heartbreaking thing. In a good way, really. It's just sweeping enough to be widely meaningful without being preachy. Just tender enough to be touching without being smarmy.

Oh I should write reviews. Maybe I could use the word "seminal".
  • Current Mood
    rambly and headachey

(no subject)

Usually, the impact of a movie is diminished if you've seen it before. You know where it's going. You know what's going to happen.
That's a generally valid rule of thumb.
And that's why I hate it when people run off at the mouth about a movie I haven't seen.
It chops out a good chunk of the enjoyment of any movie for me. I want to be left totally in the dark before a movie. The joy of discovery is such an enormous part of what makes a movie *good*. Why the hell would you want to know what happened before you even see it?
So it makes me crazy that so many people feel the need to regurgitate scenes and plots for things they KNOW you haven't seen.
I don't WANT YOU to just tell me this little bit. I don't care if you think it's central to the plot or not. Just believe me when I say that you're ruining it for me.
That's why I avoid trailers and reviews... it kills the moment when I recognize a scene in a movie I've never seen before.

HOWEVER... all that said... there are exceptions. There are a few movies that I can, apparently, watch over and over and that joy and wonder and intrigue is never lost. American Beauty is one of them. Certain bits of that movie never fail to move me. They always leave me in tears.
ANd now I know that Donnie Darko is another one of those movies.
First of all, the whole movie I'm leaned forward, leaned in. It's just so gorgeous, every second of it, that I want to touch it.
It's like I said to Karl while at De La Guarda... I want my eyes to be bigger. I want to be able to see more. All of it.
Besides being horribly involved in every scene of a movie I've already seen twice in the last year (something that just doesn't happen for me), I'm moved and touched and awed by things I ALREADY KNOW the outcome of.
I laugh in places where I already know the joke. I grin in places where I already know the irony and the connection.

And these things about me. The fact that I'm gushing like this... that I'm EXCITED about this movie that I've seen several times and just watched on a hum drum night, alone in my room, nothing else special going on... not even a stellar day...
The way that I can become this enthralled by the smallest of things... that's what not enough people love about me.
(and if you know me... you know that that's a bizarre statement for me)
Not enough people appreciate the way I turn into a 5 year old when confronted by something beautiful.
More often than not... it's sort of derided.
But I love it about me. I really do. It's one of those things that I think makes me really gaddamned interesting and unique and unsullied in the strangest way.

I was telling Karl that there's a difference between being jaded by what the world is and being jaded by what the world isn't. It's a wierd, weaving line.. but it's there. And you can just *tell* which side of it you're on.

If you've never seen this movie, I highly reccomend it. Movies so often dissapoint me. And this one doesn't have a single dissapointing moment.

(no subject)

wow. I just made the mistake of going to the techradioshow friends list.
It's fucking weird to see all my blathery, emotional entries popping up there. Yeah.
However, I won't unjoin and I won't filter.

becuase I'm a dick like that.

In other news... words I hate:
and any abbreviated phrase that contains no vowels that people still feel the need to pronounce as a word.
Example: At work we use LRT's. Some people like to call them "Lurts"