January 31st, 2003

NewYorkNewYork

(no subject)

I just wrote out this big long post explaining my recent isolated apathy toward certain people. Then I deleted it.

If I've hurt you horribly (any of you), just know that it was never my intention.
There are some things that I can't fix, either through lack of skill or lack of motivation to do so.

I was worried that this was me, stepping into a more nihilistic mindset. I was really worried about that. But I think that after hashing it out with Karl (yep. Him. That guy. The greatest source of understanding, kindness, patience, and companionship in my life. How horrible, huh?) I can see that it's not that I'm losing something of me. I might be *protecting* something of me... but nothing is lost here.

I'm exhausted and cracked out at the same time. Due in part to the cummulative sleep dep (no more than 2 hours of sleep a night this whole week) and in part to the ephedra I've been taking the last couple days to just remain upright and mobile.
Today at work I made loud reference to soul coughing, elephant parts, dame edna, graham norton, and Kung-Pow: Enter the Fist and still giggled like a little freak when no one else laughed or even ... got anything I'd said.

I'd like to think that I'll actually sleep tonight. Dunno if that'll happen or not.
NewYorkNewYork

(no subject)

my scalp feels all tight and tingly. My roots and some random streaks are once again an unnatural shade of red (deep coppery blonde), but it'll have to wait until it's dry before I decide if I like it or if I REALLY like it.

I also have dr. pepper chapstick.
It reminds me of being about 7 years old. I'm so glad they still make it.
NewYorkNewYork

(no subject)

I decline Avril Lavigne, The Spiderman Soundtrack, and Kid Rock and for alternate suggestions I get Tony Bennet, Elvis, and Neil Diamond.
hehe.

I'm so scattered and fucked up at the moment that I'm Johnny Five.
IIIIINPUUUUT.
need more input.

I want to sit cross-legged, knees to knees with someone and play hand-jivey clap games.
I want to play chinese checkers.
Actually I just want a long, rambly, giggly conversation with someone, anyone , I can actually connect with on some level. Not forever. Just for right now.

And I need to figure out how I want my hair cut. It's getting to collarbone length now and getting pretty unmanageable.