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I taught my mom how to turn on the computer, sign on, and get to websites. I will repeat this lesson many more times in the coming weeks. I am determined that she will learn this.
We finally had a little talk about my plans.
She knows now for sure that I want to move. She didn't tear up this time... but well, I know she wanted to. This is going to be so difficult. I think it'll be the most difficult part.

When I came back from Dallas, I knew that I had had a life changing experience. I talked to Chuck about it too. He understood what I meant. That somehow afterward something was different. Not necessarily better or worse, just... new. I was changed.
And then with everything that happened after I was changed even more.
The problems I had talking to Chuck at all, after he'd become that one great person that I could talk to about everything.
And then no job.
And then Mike's accident.
And the months spent taking care of him.
And the meningitis I contracted.
The poking and prodding, the spinal taps, the tests, the tubes and IVs and everyone telling me again and again how close I was to being dead.
And pretending the whole time that everything was just hunkey dorey.
I've been changing that whole time.
In preparation for this.
Because on the way back from this trip, I didn't feel that huge life change. Dallas opened my eyes, Seattle focused them. And it doesn't really matter what happens now becuase there's a change in my head and it's one that's going to stick with me. I'm calmer now. I'm more me. I'm more concentrated Hollly.
This could be temporary.
This could be permanent.
I'm not stressing it becuase for right now, it's excellent.

Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
mjfgates
Nov. 8th, 2001 02:50 pm (UTC)
Concentrated Holly... like, dried into little cubes... just add water. Great for backpacking trips.
scubast3
Nov. 8th, 2001 03:48 pm (UTC)
focus in.
focus out.
focus on:
your heart.

scuba.
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )

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