June 9th, 2004


If you think this is about you, it's becuase you want it to be.

It's amazing sometimes to realize that I've gotten to an age where everything is old hat. I've done enough, I've seen enough, that in my day to day life, nothing is a suprise anymore, even things that blind side me.

There are, of course, things I haven't done. Plenty of, in fact. I'm not talking about events though. I'm talking about basic human interaction. When things happen, I can't feel shocked and dismayed. Only a dull sense of "I should have known that was coming," and "I knew better." Everything just proves what I already knew but didn't.

And things have happened. And I don't feel shock and dismay. And I do feel that I should have seen it coming and that I should have known better.

Trust is always a sticky issue, especially when you've had to teach yourself how to do it. Moreso when you're repeatedly handed reasons to never do it. Conditioning works in the strangest ways.