August 2nd, 2005


(no subject)

Today Karl has his follow up with the surgeon to see how things are. Today is also the end of the studies I'm working on, so the next week will be filled with furious writing.

Lately I've felt like no one is listening anymore. Or I've done another one of those growth spurts in a direction that the people I know are not currently drawn toward/inhabiting. That's good in some ways becuase it means I didn't get here through influence. But in another, it's just sort of lonely. I'm not aching for buddies. Just saying...
I'm glad now that I've never really written for an audience, felt obligated to stay entertaining or funny or whatever.

I should be feeling some glow of achievement after the last week of doing lots of things I've just never had to do before and just... *doing* them. But I'm really just thinking about how I'm going to write studies, how I'm going to do the next projects that are coming up, how I can get Karl healed faster, and making sure that the dog gets enough exercise everyday. Like... I don't let myself just feel good. I cram enough other crap into the feeling that it can't come across.
And then I mourn for it.

No time really for coffee at home until later. So I'll take a pill. Sunny Delight is a foul breakfast drink. That small swig is still sitting in my mouth with all the promised "Tangy!" and a lot of unexpected "chemical".

I'm very disjointed at the moment. And usually.