Congratulations, you're gonorrhea!
Yeah, that's right. You're a sexually transmitted disease. And it gets worse: you're curable.
But fret not, my fine infectious friend; you have a fine array of symptoms associated with you that would make even rabies flinch.
Women suffer bleeding during vaginal intercourse, a burning sensation when they pee, and a delightful womanly discharge that comes in yellow muck or blood flavours. Men get to have a whole lot of pus coming from their penis. What's more, you can be passed to babies as they're being born, and cause them to go blind! That's how cool you are!