A Non-Newtonian Fluid (maddening) wrote,
A Non-Newtonian Fluid

It wasn't too painful.
It wan't too great either.

Dave cheered me up earlier in the day.. I will say that.

Then it ebbed back off.
I talked to Tim.
He didn't remember.

I got mail from Chuck. he said happy birthday, I said thanks, then he wrote back to ask "it was today, wasn't it?"

Then I talked to my sweets. And he's made me feel much better.

So WHAT I had another shitty fucking birthday?
It's not as if I expected more... but my mother's tones. She told me to come down for presents, I was on the phone with Chad. She told me to bring the phone "Bring the phone?" yeah, you're talking to Chad, right? "yeah" , good. Come on down...

The good. The bring the phone.
My chest got tight. I was excited by the possibility of a birthday gift for the first time in years.
I usually just feel guilt.
I was... tense... I was scanning packages.. laughing giddily.
A sweater, a photoshop book, a kid's book on Hannukah, Holiday's on Ice, earrings.

Nothing to warrant the tightness in my chest.
Just the usual.

Not that I expected more.
But I sort of hoped.

Guess I really *won't* be getting help. I guess it's just me and him.
Probably the good way.
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