A Non-Newtonian Fluid (maddening) wrote,
A Non-Newtonian Fluid
maddening

I'm ... sad I think?
Hard to say.
I want to find all the things that have every touched me and just... reread them and relisten and feel it all again. I want to open myself up to emotional torment and pain and rapture. I want my heart to explode and detonate and die and breath.
I want to listen to the downward spiral and feel it the way I did in high school. I want to read that poem that jay wrote me that I still can't find and know that I'm one of people looking through the eyes of shattered angels that he's talking about.
I want to feel how I felt the night I knew Tom was dead. I want to wail like that for days and days. I want to have another panic attack. I want to be crushed by love. I want to be scared and hopeful and untouchable. I want to condense down my life of feelings... all of them.. and put them in a pill and chew it up, swallow it down, rub it into my gums.

pensive (pnsv)
adj.
Deeply, often wistfully or dreamily thoughtful.
Suggestive or expressive of melancholy thoughtfulness.
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