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sorry for the burglary

I had to do it.
It was interesting.

I see:
My coffee cup, a pink floyd album, the myriad flowers on the patio beyond, stacks of papers and books.

I need:
A spot of comfort in my life, Less stability, More fire, Love, companionship, a starting point.

I find:
myself sleeping later, lint balls on the floor, passages too steeped in immediate meaning to be coincidental.

I want:
A cigarette, another cup of coffee, to go walking in some grass, a hug, a friend, a conversation, laughter.

I have:
Friends willing and able to help, A home that lives in other people, a desire for more, a wicked sense of humor, an enormous heart.

I wish:
Manburger would get better soon, Allie would find a way out of her place, Gates would get in a time machine and abandon comfort in favor of happiness, Dave would find a woman his equal, Tim and Sean would realize that a woman is nothing between friends, Tom were alive, Chuck weren't so blind or such a coward, I didn't feel so much.

I love:
Every single mark that has ever been left on my life.

I hate:
Apathy. egotism, malice, guilt, cowardice.

I miss:
Tom, Scott, 2 am walks on the beach, Chuck, being 8 years old, New Orleans, my strength.

I fear:
stagnation, failure, my ex (heh), never writing, never being loved, never finding community.

I feel:
groggy, creaky, drained, old, alive, fiery brained, hopeful, ... like the possessor of secret and arcane knowledge.

I hear:
The fans in the CPU, my father turning pages in his book, birds outside, the click of the coffee pot, my own typing.

I smell:
my house, the coffee, jasmine oil, cherry chapstick, my clean shirt

I crave:
A cigarette, mint iced tea, mexican salad, sex, a cherry lollipop, a new book, energy for my mind.

I search:
For the story I wrote last night that I can't find now, myself, others, for an adequate mirror by which to discern myself.

I wonder:
Where CS got this, why I decided to post this, why the hell I'm blatantly copy-catting, why I even attempted to answer this because I wonder about EVERYTHING.

I regret:
very little, not going to college when I had the chance, not demanding enough in exchange for my heart, never learning html

When was the last time you....

about 30 seconds ago

last night, rereading Tom's letter.

Bought Something?
yesterday, pack of smokes.

By myself? This morning. In the company of others? Last night with Dan. Out at a club type thing? The Freedom, right to dance festival (rave) in Dallas, middle of March.

Were sarcastic?
This morning.

Kissed someone?
middle of march, texas.

Talked to an ex?
about a week ago.

Watched your favorite movie?
not really HAVING a favorite, that's hard to say.

Had a nightmare?
4 days ago.

Last book you read?
Jitterbug Perfume by Tom Robbins.

Last Movie you saw:
last movie at all... Fight Club, last "new" movie... O Brother Where Art Thou

Last song you heard:
Shame on a nigga, Wu Tang Clan

Last thing you had to drink:

Last time you showered:
this morning

Last thing you ate:
a navel orange


( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
Apr. 28th, 2001 01:58 pm (UTC)
Well, what *I* want is to move forward in my life, and for you to be able to do the same. It seems to me that we've both exhausted the particular stages each of us have been in, and it's time to find something new, or risk stagnation. And stagnation is bad. I hope I never stagnate... I want to burn and scintillate till I die. I want to ALWAYS be moving when I need to, I don't EVER want to be trapped, and I never want to have to admit to myself that there's something I can't do.
Apr. 28th, 2001 02:57 pm (UTC)
Hey, I noticed that you have spoken word listed as an interest, I just started a community for slam poets, performance poets, and the discussion of slam poetry and spoken word. Check it out!
Apr. 28th, 2001 08:27 pm (UTC)
TIME machine?...
Now you've done it.

NOW you've done it.

Damn, I'm even tempted to use the phrase "little lady."
Apr. 28th, 2001 11:17 pm (UTC)
Re: TIME machine?...
*tsk tsk tsk*
I wasn't even referring to your incredible ancientness, methuselah.
I was just saying you would need to time machine to undo things, and strive for happiness instead of comfort.

But I'm glad you're willing to admit that you're really freakin old.
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )


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