A Non-Newtonian Fluid (maddening) wrote,
A Non-Newtonian Fluid
maddening

so the film advance on the camera doesn't work.
that's a fucking important bit to know about a camera...
so I just paid $100 (that I couldn't afford) for a camera (that I really wanted) that doesn't work.

And sean tried to kill himself and is in a coma and I'm catching snide "I suppose you don't want to see him" comments from Mike and I keep remembering the stitches on the arms of that guy in royal tennebaums.

Sean traces his veins.
He took his time.
He really wanted to die.

didn't bother filling the tub with water.
Didn't bother taking off his clothes.
He just didn't want to make a big mess.
Just sat quietly and tried to bleed to death.

And now he's in a coma
Which is good.
Becuase the other prognosis would be brain death.
And time will only tell wether or not he's going to wake up ... and going to be him when he does.
and he'll be in full blown, unmedicated state when he does wake up.
So it'll be hard to tell until they pump him with anti-psychotics wether or not he's got massive brain damage.

and then that dream with Jason's bloated corpse.
I couldn't wake up from it.
My brain is doing me a disservice.
my brain is cruel.

so many things just seem to bubble in all at once.
and fuck anyone who's going to tell me to be optimistic or look on the bright side or give me some god/spirit/fate bullshit.
keep it to yourself.

I'm in a foul mood.
It's really hard not to just breakdown crying constantly.
I'm trying.
I really am trying.
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