?

Log in

No account? Create an account

Previous Entry | Next Entry

"I'm going to kick your ass to hell!"

No, no one will ever guess where that is from.


I'm worried about people. I'm worried about me. I'm worried about people I don't even technically know. What some would call an overactive guilt and worry mechanism, I call simple and heartwarming neurosis.


well, not simple.
I would say "you know what I mean" but nine times out of ten, you just don't.
I've had this tiny communication problem for quite awhile. Mainly, I can't communicate.
Oh, I can write. That's just fine.
I can write out how I feel just great. I make sense, I'm coherent... I sometimes even use proper grammar and punctuation.
I can't write in any way that *I* would find meaningful or interesting, but when it comes to the babble on page, I am your chick.
I explain situations well, I can be expansive and interesting and funny and insightful. I can be revelatory and yet wholey mysterious. Every now and again I can even blow people's minds with prose and lovely links of words and phrases.
Every once in a great great while.


But when it comes to anything that actually really matters to me...
When it comes to the things that hit me at heart... I lose it. I'm incapable.
I am a babbling babe from another land. I'm the definition of a speech impediment. I am bumbling and wrong and silly and just ... in competent.


There are very very few people I've ever known who have even gotten close to being able to decipher my ... well... I feel the need to call it bullshit.
So, when some of them aren't doing so well, I fret.
I worry.
I wring the skin off my hands and chew my lips off.
Kinda ruins it when they're okay again. the lipless don't smile.


You guys know who you are.
I'm still thinking about you.

Comments

( 19 comments — Leave a comment )
subbes
May. 3rd, 2001 06:38 pm (UTC)
hmpf
you never worry about me.
maddening
May. 3rd, 2001 06:44 pm (UTC)
Re: hmpf
I worry about you more than most people would admit to, girly.


I have long conversations with people about you and how to help you and relate to you and how gaddamned cool you are and can be and will be.


I am one of those people that actually gives a damn. It would be good if you would realize that.


And it would be good if you didn't pout at me when I'm feeling especially emotional and expansive so I won't embarass myself with all the mush.
subbes
May. 3rd, 2001 06:47 pm (UTC)
Re: hmpf
Bah. Proven wrong again.

But it just goes to show: if you're all cynical on the outside, people won't believe you're not cynical on the inside.

Cause I'm not going to realise if you don't tell me - just like you're not going to realise that I care about you a heck of a lot unless I tell you.

It's tricky being defensive, no?
maddening
May. 3rd, 2001 06:50 pm (UTC)
Re: hmpf
I'm not defensive unless people force me that way.
And you'll find that *most* people who have a heavy sheild up are lil balls of goo inside.
Of course, they might also just be bastards... gotta watch out.


And I knew that you cared about me just from that night you got annoyed at me for not answering my phone.
HAHA!
SHOWED YOURSELF!
subbes
May. 3rd, 2001 07:03 pm (UTC)
Re: hmpf
Shurrup, or I'll show you my goo. Look, it's green.


Anyway. I only care for the nipples(*).




(*) Lie.
maddening
May. 3rd, 2001 07:09 pm (UTC)
Re: hmpf
(*) Lie.


I'm really glad that that's what that meant and that it wasn't supposed to be a representation of my nipple.
subbes
May. 3rd, 2001 07:18 pm (UTC)
Re: hmpf
It's perky and all crinkled-up!
subbes
May. 3rd, 2001 08:09 pm (UTC)
Re: hmpf
Anyway, I wuv you.
fatblakdog
May. 3rd, 2001 07:19 pm (UTC)
GUESS??
Bruce Campbell in one of the Evil Dead movies?
maddening
May. 3rd, 2001 07:21 pm (UTC)
Re: GUESS??
:::;sigh:::
you're so very wrong.
But, thanks for playing, you're going away prize is uh .. whatever I've got in my pockets...
fatblakdog
May. 3rd, 2001 07:26 pm (UTC)
Re: GUESS??
It's driving me mad I must know. I know this one but my brain is blocked up like I just ate a pound of mind cheese.
maddening
May. 3rd, 2001 07:54 pm (UTC)
Re: GUESS??
You don't know this one.


It's Drunken Master.
fatblakdog
May. 3rd, 2001 07:56 pm (UTC)
Re: GUESS??
I have seen drunken master as well as drunken master 2. But thanks for clueing me in it makes life a little easier to deal with.
maddening
May. 3rd, 2001 08:16 pm (UTC)
Re: GUESS??
I just happened to watch it again today.
Love that movie.
fatblakdog
May. 3rd, 2001 08:27 pm (UTC)
Re: GUESS??
Yeah I haven't seen it since a roommate i had two years ago went on a kung fu movie kick. We watched so many movies and smoked so much I can't remember half the names of the movies. One of the things that stands out though is when we discovered that a subwoofer turned up really high will make it sound like the guys fighting in the movies are actually in the room kicking your damn walls. The dvd versions of these movies have ridiculous amounts of base added to the fight scenes or maybe we just couldn't really hear it until they were cleaned up a little.
maddening
May. 3rd, 2001 08:34 pm (UTC)
Re: GUESS??
The sound on my tape of d.m. is sucking.
have to crank the volume ALLL the way up and even then it's three quarters garbled.


(I am so incredibly bored, Joe. Kill me.)


But it's still a cool frickin movie.
fatblakdog
May. 3rd, 2001 08:47 pm (UTC)
Re: GUESS??
Bang Bang! Your dead now does that help? I am not so sure death is the cure for what ails you though. Perhaps you should go for a walk or make jokes about old people or go and throw blow up dolls dressed in clothes off of overpasses. You sound pretty desperate it is time for desperate measures.
mjfgates
May. 3rd, 2001 10:55 pm (UTC)
And there are three people on the continent who DON'T have this problem?
Welcome to the human race, and all like that, eh?

maddening
May. 3rd, 2001 11:03 pm (UTC)
Re: And there are three people on the continent who DON'T have this problem?
Thanks for making me feel small and usual.

( 19 comments — Leave a comment )

Profile

NewYorkNewYork
maddening
A Non-Newtonian Fluid

Latest Month

March 2010
S M T W T F S
 123456
78910111213
14151617181920
21222324252627
28293031   
Powered by LiveJournal.com
Designed by Tiffany Chow