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sharin it

Okay .. this if from a mailing list I'm on and know a hell of a lot of people from.
One of these people kinda sucks,
the other rather rocks and does so consistently (he's also not human, I believe)

: ..you're not absolutely and completely FUCKED until you're lying face-down and
: handcuffed in the hallway with an 80-pound Alsation grinning like googledy-fuck
: at the back of your Schedule 1 head.

Not quite as fucked as when you're dressed in a Snoopy mask, chained to a
radiator, staring through your drugged stupor at a pile of your own entrails
lying in the middle of the floor, while gibbering monkeys fingerpaint the
walls with your blood.

But, yeah, the drug bust scenario is bad, too.


yeshyesh... Mark rocks.

Ever have one of those days where you find yourself masturbating like a monkey for no particular reason?
I haven't had sex since march and I haven't been good and kissed since then either. And well, it was incredible sex. The best thus far. He was an incredible lover.... too bad he was an emotional retard.
So now, the afterglow long gone, the ability of the memories to make my skin tingle fading, I'm getting the urge to just go out and get laid.
I've done the one night stand thing twice, ever, and both times the men ended up being sexually inept.
One of them even proclaimed with pride "I beat you!"
So I don't know if I want to go out and try my hand at that again.

I think I'll just keep on trying my own hand.
My own hand is *excellent*


( 9 comments — Leave a comment )
May. 4th, 2001 11:47 am (UTC)
I'd come round and help, but my harness hasn't arrived so I'm strap-on-less.

Besides, I don't have man-boobs so I'm a bit of a dead loss.
May. 4th, 2001 12:13 pm (UTC)
awww... it's the thought that counts though, right?
May. 4th, 2001 12:40 pm (UTC)
Yes. I'm thinking about penetrating you.

Now, if that hasn't dispelled your horniness, nothing will...
May. 4th, 2001 12:42 pm (UTC)
My horniness is hardy and hale.
Just having a goffy british chick tell me she wants to diddle my sweetbits with a manufactured man pole will not make it run and hide.

okay .. I crack myself up
May. 4th, 2001 12:50 pm (UTC)
Daaaamn you. Damn you damn you damn you.

Hmpf. i shall have to go and masturbate soon, what with you and J winding me up like this.
May. 4th, 2001 12:28 pm (UTC)
"I beat you!" ?
Man, that's one seriously retarded sadist, there.
May. 4th, 2001 12:35 pm (UTC)
he was retarded in a lot of ways...
physically being one of them.
The penis of a 5 year old, I tell ya.

And, just for the record, he was a masochist and BAD at it.
He bent the d ring right out of the cuff.
I loved those cuffs.
May. 4th, 2001 02:00 pm (UTC)
I'd offer my ... well, services, but Virginia Beach is a long way from Seattle.

'scuse me while I go have a wank. I'm behind on my monkey-quota =)
May. 4th, 2001 06:13 pm (UTC)
Why the hell
Do I keep meeting all the cool seattleites on LJ?

It's an omen.

Oh, and thanks for the thought.... no.. really... I was running out of material..
( 9 comments — Leave a comment )


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