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Mar. 12th, 2002



I am horribly obtuse. So obtuse that it takes some sort of preternaturally astute sense of humor mixed with a keen insight into the absurd and the dry.

Basically, you have to be a special kind of mind fucked to appreciate what I have to say.
SURE... I can be okay with just about any group of people. But that feels the same way I feel when I'm hanging out with my extended family. Show them what they want, act interested, act *delighted* ... and they'll be okay.
Actually let out what you *want* to say .. (except around my mom and my aunt linda.. but she's insane), like at my sisters wedding when I started talking about the tradition of the heeva hava and how in Lapp societies, women are heeva havas and they castrate their reindeer with their teeth... and everyone's face fell and they stared.
My aunt was FASCINATED. She wanted to know more. She wanted to speculate. She wanted to make up what she didn't know. She was, in short, excellent.
My mom blushed and laughed at me and Linda.
She was excellent as well.
Everyone else went on talking about politics ("and how that Clinton was just HORRIBLE") and race relations ("we thought we were in a nice neighborhood.. but we've got a black on one side and puerto rican across the street, so I think it's time to look again :::sigh:::") and all the other things that interest them ("what kinda car ya driving now?")


So.. in short... it's a rare person that gets and ENJOYS my sense of humor.
Chad's one of them. And there are others but if I start listing you, and I leave one of you off, I'll get bitched at....

I'm a strange girl.
I really am. That's a good thing. It implies uniqueness. I just sometimes wish there were more people who were unique in *my* way.
Ya know?

Comments

luvrhino
Mar. 12th, 2002 07:52 pm (UTC)
i'm going to have interesting dreams tonight
So, like, do the heeva havas castrate the reindeer by force or by stealth?

Sure, i imagine that you could use a tranquilizer dart and safely castrate Rudolph while he's unconscious. However, i like to think that heeva havas seduce Rudolph...of course, making his nose glow bright...and then Bobbitize him in his post-coital slumber.

If you're going to remove his manhood (reindeerhood?), at least leave him with a lasting pleasant memory. It's the humane (reindeerane?) thing to do...
maddening
Mar. 12th, 2002 08:00 pm (UTC)
Re: i'm going to have interesting dreams tonight
I'm pretty sure they just tie them securely, one woman holds the legs and the other crawls under and exercises her manibles on the animal with extreme prejudice.

One method of castrating a bull here in the states is to tie one end of a piece of very thin wire tightly around the sac and the other end to a fence post and then whip the bull, making it jump and run.

Sort of like what my dad used to do when we had loose teeth. He'd take a piece of thread, make a slipknot in it, cinch it down around the tooth and then tie the other end to a doorknob with the door open.
Then leave you to stand there until you got up the courage to slam the door closed, ripping out the tooth.

Another method is just to tie the wire around the testicles of the bull very very tightly and leave it like that until the lack of blood flow makes them fall off.

I *do* so hope you read this before you go to bed.
::nod:::
mjfgates
Mar. 12th, 2002 08:06 pm (UTC)
Re: i'm going to have interesting dreams tonight
My mother used to work for the company that made the Elastinator-- basically, a really hefty rubber band. You had to stretch it open with this speculum-like thingy, sliiiiiide it up the animal's scrotum over the testicles, and pop it off the speculum. Pinchy!
luvrhino
Mar. 12th, 2002 08:12 pm (UTC)
Re: i'm going to have interesting dreams tonight
Sort of like what my dad used to do when we had loose teeth. He'd take a piece of thread, make a slipknot in it, cinch it down around the tooth and then tie the other end to a doorknob with the door open.
Then leave you to stand there until you got up the courage to slam the door closed, ripping out the tooth.


Shit, that's the way i masturbate.

Except that i tie one end of the rubber band (not thread) around the twins and the other end around the gears of my exercise bike. Then i pedal away while watching 'The 700 Club.' Good times.

Pleasant dreams.
maddening
Mar. 12th, 2002 08:25 pm (UTC)
Re: i'm going to have interesting dreams tonight
I hate to say this.. but.. you win.

Picturing the SMELL of the burning rubber/scrotal skin from the friction .....

yeah.

Might as well make more coffee, because I won't be sleeping tonight.
luvrhino
Mar. 12th, 2002 08:46 pm (UTC)
Re: i'm going to have interesting dreams tonight
Woo hoo!

And here i was thinking that the fact that i masturbate to 'The 700 Club' was the most disturbing aspect about my habit.

There's just something about that part in Pat's hair...
frobisher
Mar. 12th, 2002 09:52 pm (UTC)
Re: i'm going to have interesting dreams tonight
Holly may be inured to Pat by now...
luvrhino
Mar. 13th, 2002 05:19 am (UTC)
you non-friend listing bastard
I don't see how anyone could ever get inured to Pat. What with his chiseled good-looks and the way he gives those steamy tongue-lashings to lesbians, liberals, abortionists, and secular humanists...why it makes my balls sweat just thinking about it...

Excuse me.
maddening
Mar. 13th, 2002 08:20 am (UTC)
Re: you non-friend listing bastard
::squinty eyes::::

WHY are you torturing me?

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