A Non-Newtonian Fluid (maddening) wrote,
A Non-Newtonian Fluid

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There was a point in time when my voice was the only attractive thing about me.

I've got a nice voice. Very low, soft, soothing sort of voice. And I do a great "hey, I'm Lonely caaaalll me nooow for a HooooooTT conversaaaation!" phone sex impersonation.

It was the ONLY thing I had going for me.

I had icky colored hair, bad glasses ( I still wear glasses, by the way), and I was fat.
probably at least 70 lbs more than what I am currently (but that fluctuates about 10 lbs.. and that's no big whoop) when I was in high school.
I was still a pretty well liked lil freak. I didn't catch the crap *too* bad and what crap I caught was for the way I looked in dress and dye and makeup, not the way I looked in the body type sense.
All of that happened in junior high.

Hugh dumpy blonde chick with "such a pretty face"

I'm doin alright now, I suppose. I'm pretty mellow about my size... I'm glad I'm not thinner (I've been thinner, my ribs show and I don't like that) and I'm glad I'm not bigger (I've been bigger, my collar bones lose their definition and I don't like that) .

But ya know... it's still bizarre to me to have the big dumb guys asking for tit shots.
It's insulting, because I don't need that sort of justification, and it's also suprising, because I still don't see myself as even approaching attractive.
I still feel like Blubber. Judy Blume's book... did you read that?
I never felt *exactly* like that girl.. because she actually seemed to have more confidence than I did. But there were bits and pieces that made sense to me.
I didn't read it when I was a kid either... well.. not that young of a kid. I read it when I was in the 8th grade, probably.
So I was 13.
And since junior high was a nightmare ( I got bussed to the rich kid school from my ghetto lil neighborhood.. so it was pretty damned odd) it made sense to me.

So, like I said.. in a lot of ways, I feel like Blubber.
::shrug::: I've just always been like that.

I started writing thinking I was going to talk about the idiots asking for shots of my tits because of some new user pic.
(a pic I'm not going to use for this post heh)

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