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Mar. 15th, 2002

My father is watching semi-soft core porn while my mom reads the paper and pretends not to notice. I don't know if I want to guzzle down coffee and some ephedra or if I want to take a flexerall and a vicodin.
I just feel like I want to be altered.
And since my altering agent of choice is unavailable, I have to go with what I've got.
I'm playing freecell over and over. A month ago I didn't even understand how the game was played. For years it baffled me. I opened it up on a whim a month ago and tada... I'm addicted.
I haven't started reading the Broom of the System yet. As soon as I finish up my current book I will. Common Phrases is the current one. Meanings and origins of all those weird little things we say. "raining cats and dogs" , "take a back seat", "go through fire and water"...
I'm an etymology freak. Apparently it's expanded to whole phrases.
I'm feeling very foggy. Like there is cotton wool in my brain and my thoughts, being water based, are soaking into some bits and concentrating there.. but then not getting to other bits at all.
I just said "cotton wool." And yet, I'm not british.
This foggy feeling happens quite a bit. Chad has said it's just time for me to accept that I've got ADD and be done with it. Sometimes I think I probably do (at least, I know that I do enough to get drugs for it.. which doesn't mean much, actually) and other times I think that I probably just think I do because it seems the easiest answer to a lifelong problem with living too much or not enough inside my own head.
I'm not sure which it is.
I'm not sure that it matters.

The fogginess makes me want speedies. So now my 'maybe' to coffee is a full on craving.
I usually don't sleep before 2 or 3 am anyway... so maybe it's okay?
that's what I'll tell myself.

Still have De La stuck in my head. "hey love"
"go to the club around the way... see my Hey DJ ... make him play 'hey love'..."


( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
Mar. 16th, 2002 03:31 am (UTC)
"Semi-soft-core?" Do I even... um... oh, fine, what is it?

Don't take ephedra, it has the nasty little side effect of occasionally killing people. Ephedrine analogues are just not a good thing, from the heart's point of view.

"Cotton wool"? That's not an ADD-type thing at all. It's a pretty good depression thing, tho.

Mar. 16th, 2002 09:12 am (UTC)
It was a fucking detective story with too many sex scenes to be a detective story.

I didn't take ephedra. But that's still an open option for me sometimes. I PREFER other things... but when you're po...

And I believe it *is* an ADD thing.. I'm just doing a lousy job of explaining the feeling. WHen talking to Chad, that's the phrase I've used, or things similiar. Cloud in my head. something like that.
State of confusion where nothing seems to make sense and nothing I say has any hope of making sense and I feel a little frustrated and more than a little confused. It's that "foggy" feeling. ::shrug:::

Maybe I'm just really bad at explaining it. But my depression manifests in completely different ways (like manic cleaning and complete withdrawl from people).
Mar. 16th, 2002 05:54 pm (UTC)
Ohhh. Personally, I always try to only watch porn around my wife, when it's porn she might be interested in too. It's the polite thing to do, y'know? For that matter... hm... I haven't started anything up but Disney movies for the kids in, um, long long time.
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )


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