That's my professional opinion.
I've found it's very difficult for me to just be purely happy for someone else and not jealous of their situation or resentful of the noise they make about their personal goodness.
It's not true of all situations or people.
But... sometimes.. I just can't deal with other people's happiness. Not in some sort of .. fucked up angsty gawther than thou way.
I just find that it gets under my skin in a bad way and I'm only able to be happy for you intellectually. I think most people have that problem and lie about it.
Or maybe I'm just projecting so I'm not alone in my selfish lil issues.
The fact is, that sometimes, its really hard to see other people (even people I honestly like) being happy and getting what they want.. especially when it seems so effortless.
It just serves to highlight my bullshit. My cute lil pile of bullshit life.
I've got ONE GOOD THING. It's 3,000 miles away. And the reality of that is thick and heady. So thick and so heady that it's hard to see past it. Very hard.
I'm good for it. I am that strong, and stronger.
But I can't jump up and down in glee or have a natural happy smile break on me from reading about so and so's goodness that just fell into their lap or hearing about how everything is just working out for so and so...
And I don't think that that makes me a particularly bad person.
I *could* be going out of my to shit on it. And ooooh yeah, I've had that urge. But I haven't.
I even miss the way Chad SNORES ferchrissakes.