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Wasn't until about 5:30 that I fell asleep.

Didn't wake up until just a lil while ago.
Called toppers to let them know that there was just something WRONG with their calzone last night.
He could have been alright just by saying okay and they'd look into it. But instead he wanted me to list everything I'd eaten yesterday and argue with me.

See, he was told he was an ass.
The I wouldn't stop ordering pizza from them or being pleasant to the driver and even remaining a pretty heavy tipper.
But that he, on a personal level, was a total ass.

He seemed to take that with equanimity. Which is what I would expect from such an ass.

I feel pretty loopy today. I desperately need a shoulder rub/neck/back massage thingy. So very much so. All the muscles are brick like.

Kaeren made this post awhile back (I no linky because she's friends only and if you're on her friends list, you know who she is) about feeling like a cat with a sock over its head. How it just keeps backing up and backing up because it's all wigged out about the sock.
That's a pretty good analogy for how I feel today. Just very out of it and confused. I woke up with a thick fog in my head that coffee has yet to lift.
And I keep picturing how my cat smudge would do everything she could to get into paper bags and plastic bags and so forth and usually would turn around in them, so that her head faced out and just lay there in her little den with her little white face poking out. Startling yellow eyes.
But every now and again she'd change her mind, or decide something was wrong and try to get out and just.. *flip* out. Just thrash her head back and forth and knock things over and make a lil path of destruction in her need to be OUT OF THE BAG.

The more I think about it, that is a *brilliant* analogy for that particular feeling.

The sky today is this really strange color. Sort of the strained yellow and grey you get just before the dark stacked cumulo-nimbus clouds roll in and start crackling with lightning. The wind is a pretty constant fluttery. Enough to move your hair and make it float a little, but not enough to whip it around your face. I realize I should write more.
Just in general I should write more.
Spend time describing things in the aching, minute detail they deserve sometimes.
Or maybe just write more and fuck the descriptions.
I dunno.

I want things in the mail. I want my life to be cleaner of junk without the work. I want things to happen faster and with more definition. I want some more coffee. I want to go to school again. I want to find myself delighted by the world again.
I want to talk to Chad.


( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
Mar. 30th, 2002 10:47 pm (UTC)
I would be happy to rub you if you ask nicely.

I even offered to rub Phillip's neck earlier. But I was probably still a bit drunk...
Apr. 1st, 2002 11:22 am (UTC)
sorry to hear you felt catsock today :(

what would you study if you returned to school?
Apr. 1st, 2002 11:33 am (UTC)
See, that right there is the problem. I have no clear idea. I have too many interests, too many things I would love to do, and just about none of them are feasible or things that would lead to actual *jobs*.
I've been looking at course schedules and descriptions to see if I can find programs that fit well with me. Most of them, however, are still stuck on this idea that just about everyone is hiring geeks. And that's just not so.
Besides, I don't think I'd want to be a geek by profession.
I think what I'm going to end up doing is taking a couple years of general study community college stuff and then seeing if I can transfer to a 4 year. That would give me enough time to really figure out my direction and set some goals, while still feeling like I'm not wasting my time, twiddling my thumbs and waiting for something to fall into my lap.
The basic thing is, I just really enjoy school, no matter what the subject.
Apr. 3rd, 2002 04:13 pm (UTC)
Well, when I was applying for college several years ago (and *disclaimer* I never even made it through one year, so what do I know...) I thought a few ones offered a Build-Your-Own-Major type thing. For example I'd love to check out EthnoBotany but I doubt that any place would have something like that readymade.

Hmm. If its any consolation, I don't know anyone whose degrees were specifically related to their jobs, except for uberprofessionals like Doctor, Lawyer, Architect, etc. Most of the geeks around here are History/English/Science majors, rounded out with a few CC classes in the recent past.

Anyhoot. I like your approach. Part of why I never did much with college was because I never gave myself the opportunity to really see what IU wanted to do. And not having an ultimate goal/focus pretty much eliminated any chance of motivation, for me.
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )


A Non-Newtonian Fluid

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