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May. 5th, 2002

I don't think I drive people away, so much as I have this timing... this hideous timing. I need them when they can't give and I don't need them when all they want is to give. I need to be alone with they want company and I can't stand to be away from them for a second when they really need the breathing space.
I have this hideous timing.
My needs and wants never match. No matter how simple.
No matter how baroque and lovely.
No matter how deep I get with my feelings, there's always a way for the light to hit them wrong at just that time when someone is looking... so they end up looking ugly.
When I want to talk, they can't stand the noise and when I just want some silence, they've got incredible stories to relate.
My humor always clashes.
My expressions are always somehow off.

I think once or twice I've felt really *with* someone. In time. In the same rhythm at the same moment.

And then after the drum solo it all goes to shit again
And then all my analogies sound bland and off and bullshit and landing on deaf ears.

I'm incredibly sad tonight.
Incredibly sad.


( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
May. 5th, 2002 09:19 pm (UTC)
I still wuv you!
May. 6th, 2002 11:08 am (UTC)
You wuv anyone who showers you with paperclips.
May. 6th, 2002 01:41 pm (UTC)
Hey, I've got paperclips... they're even bent into keypullers. (I had to get the Windows keys off the keyboard on my work machine-- it's *such* a pain to hit those things by accident in the middle of touch-typing...)
May. 6th, 2002 01:47 pm (UTC)
I use my fingers to pull them. I pulled the menu keys too.
May. 5th, 2002 09:52 pm (UTC)
I dunno... I'm usually too damn flexible to be out of sync with anyone.

I'm reminded of the time a friend of mine and I were about to drive back to ny from vt and we drove up to dunkin donuts and she said to me, "I need coffee, and I need you not to talk to me." Which I did until she was ready for talking.

Of course, I may have been half asleep at the time...
May. 6th, 2002 05:54 am (UTC)
Timing is important.

It reminded me of the time I got a call from this girl I was seeing. She woke me up (relatively) early with a phone call on a Sunday morning after a long day and very late night. I found out later that we had a short conversation where I essentially broke up with her. I didn't remember too much of it because I was still more then half asleep.

Hope you are feeling better.
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )


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