I don't think I drive people away, so much as I have this timing... this hideous timing. I need them when they can't give and I don't need them when all they want is to give. I need to be alone with they want company and I can't stand to be away from them for a second when they really need the breathing space.
I have this hideous timing.
My needs and wants never match. No matter how simple.
No matter how baroque and lovely.
No matter how deep I get with my feelings, there's always a way for the light to hit them wrong at just that time when someone is looking... so they end up looking ugly.
When I want to talk, they can't stand the noise and when I just want some silence, they've got incredible stories to relate.
My humor always clashes.
My expressions are always somehow off.
I think once or twice I've felt really *with* someone. In time. In the same rhythm at the same moment.
And then after the drum solo it all goes to shit again
And then all my analogies sound bland and off and bullshit and landing on deaf ears.
I'm incredibly sad tonight.