A Non-Newtonian Fluid (maddening) wrote,
A Non-Newtonian Fluid

Today I think I'm going to do some cleaning up. Some brutal rearranging, throwing away, and reorganizing.
I need to clean off this desk in a big way. There is now enough space for me to set down a glass or coffee cup and uhm.. every other inch is taken up with papers, CDs or computery shit.
Plus I have to find this ancient ass typing software that my dad wants that I haven't seen in *years* ... *Years*...
It's around here somewhere.
I found the book for it.

I think that I should probably go ahead and send the CSS books and a couple other things back to Chad. Part of me says fuck it, why have any contact at all, but neither do I want him to ever say that I didn't follow through on a promise.
You know, like the promises he didn't follow through on.
I don't want him to be able to be bitter at me like I'm bitter at him.
He gets no self righteous anger. ::nods:: Well, none that I'm going to hand him anyway. I'm sure he's got lots of self-righteous anger...
I could do with some of that money he swore he was going to send me to cover the phone bills I paid while he didn't have unemployment. The bills he SWORE he was going to send me the money for.
Oh, well... hmm.. maybe it was his ADD.
That was the reason for *everything*, right?

Me? Bitter? noooo

Anyway... I need to go through a lot of papers and so forth, clean up. It'll be good to focus on making my environment a lil nicer to exist within. I have been neglecting it and it's getting to me.

I've been rediscovering my intellectuality, my love of words, and finding all these brand new things that I never knew I was enamoured with. I feel very .. alive. Tentatively alive, but alive.
And all my anger yesterday has ebbed away and I feel like... a calmer person. Not just for the moment, but like there was a change.
I'm very very glad for that.
I let a lot of things go.
I still want a cigarette though ::smirk::

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