A Non-Newtonian Fluid (maddening) wrote,
A Non-Newtonian Fluid
maddening

Ya know.. I don't want to think about shit. I really don't. I don't want to deal with anything. Interpersonal anything.
My life stuff.. that's fine. I don't mind sitting here and thinking about what I'm going to do with myself and getting my shit together and getting out of here and moving somewhere I like.

I just don't want to deal with the weird things that go on between people anymore.
I don't want to worry about feelings outside of my own and how I affect people and how my feelings affect people.

This realization sucks A LOT.
Because I am, in an odd way, a really social person. I like people. Even the people that no one else likes... sometimes especially those people. I like knowing a level deeper and understanding and enjoying the conversation and company of people that everyone else thinks are just worthless. Yes, that seems strange and stupid. I should heed everyone else's word. Ignore my instincts...
But ya know what.. THAT'S WHAT I USUALLY DO.
That's why I end up in so much bullshit.
I end up in things that are horrible for me.
Becuase I pay attention to everyone else more than I pay attention to me and my own abilities to judge, know, and deal.

I'm annoyed and I don't want to deal with these things.
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