A Non-Newtonian Fluid (maddening) wrote,
A Non-Newtonian Fluid

The dream bean.

my eyes are burning.
my teeth alternately clench...cause my jaw to ache or open a bit, allowing the playing space for a grin and the tip of my tongue between my teeth. And the sore eyes upturn and I can imagine that they twinkle.
I'm looking for a word that means what I feel... and it's not there.
Sunk into my pillows.
I got that feeling in my chest.
And I already knew and I knew and I know and my lip got bit but I knew and I held my breath and counted off seconds and balled my hands into fists to stop the shakies and I know and I knew and I beat myself up for being such a coward because, fuck it.. I KNEW.

And I'm not running and I want to run from my not running.
Feet of lead, I have.
confused confused confused.

I hate that word.

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