A Non-Newtonian Fluid (maddening) wrote,
A Non-Newtonian Fluid

Skipping around through LJ...
My stream of rantingness impressions.

On the journal of rapist I found a little stream of comments and this line in particular popped out: " LJ has a huge community of rape survivors..."

It does indeed, doesn't it?
rape survivors, abuse survivors, eating disorder SURVIVORS, disease SURVIVORS, discrimination SURVIVORS.

notice a theme?
All of us are SURVIVORS, given that we woke up and continued to breathe this morning.
Not all of us are un broken, strong willed, together, happy people.
But that doesn't sound as impressive or snappy.
I always get a little offended by the ... "I'm going to label myself a survivor" crowd. You're a person. You've had shit happen. Taking things that tested your will or crumbled you for a period of time and making them part of your definition of yourself when you go to rebuild is no rebuilding at all.
What happens to you isn't *you* unless you're so ... diminished and weak in the first place that you've got nothing else to idenitfy yourself by.

I don't really meant that as harshly as that sounds.
I've been a broken person. In some ways I still am. But in most ways (and people who don't know me very well seem to miss this a lot when I talk about the things that bother me) I've overcome an incredible amount of shit in my life. The things that I've watched destroy other people are things that are just... part of who I am. They've been felt, dealt with, and just... incorporated.
So when I talk about these things it's certainly not from a position of haughty ignorance.

I know that people just deal with things differently. I know that what are slights to some are shattering blows to others.
But I know that people in general let themselves be weak because THEY CAN.
They let themselves fall to pieces because they know *someone* will be kind enough to come along and pick them up.

I know the people who do the picking up too. I'm one of them. It's one of the ways where I'm still broken.
I will always put off what I want/need/feel/thing/hope for in order to make someone else happy. Always.
Even (maybe especially) for people who don't deserve it.
Always the fixer. Always the helper.

But "survivor" mentality is just "victim" mentality all PC-ed up. And I'm really .... offended... sometimes by those who would paint all of us who've survived horrible things as victims. I hate being associated with that.

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