A Non-Newtonian Fluid (maddening) wrote,
A Non-Newtonian Fluid
maddening

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When you're already feeling very ... fragile/needy/odd/overly thoughtful... it's never a good thing to have no one talking to, no one responding when you do talk, and people just blinking out on you.
There are very good reasons for all those things there.. but since Dan left earlier today I've felt increasingly lonely.
Dan's good for me. He puts a spotlight on the things that I would normally avoid thinking about and makes me take note. He doesn't let me get away with anything, certainly not with deluding myself. And he's somehow... kind about it.
He has a way of doing it that robs me of the ability to be angry at him for it...
Because I know damned well that if anyone else did it, I'd be pissed at them.

The problem is that Dan cannot be here 24 hours a day to help me deal with the fallout from the things I don't want to think about not thinking about. So I'm trailing back and forth between being morose and dejected and then getting angry at myself (for being whiney... inside my own head... yep) and just laughing it off for awhile.

I need a good long cathartic scream.
And I need to get over this notion that's been pounded into my head that I'm not allowed to need what I need because it would put other people out.

And I need someone to come over here and warm up my hands because the AC seems to be set at "frost bite on a penguin's ass"
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