Dan was here until an OBNOXIOUS hour last night. He watched tv while I was online He tried to work out that knot in between my shoulderblades from my stresses. When that didn't work, he sat on the floor in the bathroom and talked to me from the other side of the shower curtain while I took a really really long, really hot bath. And he let himself out and locked the door after him so I didn't have to go downstairs with him and end up freezing to death. I think he still feels guilty about being a shit over COOKIES the other day.
But I really needed the niceness last night.
I'm still feeling like a really needy person in general.. and it's still annoying me. I really really don't like feeling like this.
My life is just pretty damned empty at the moment.
And ya know... I know what I want. I know exactly what I want. I just don't know if I've got the patience to work toward something that may very well never ever ever ever happen. Heh.. Cheery this evening, no?
I've just got a lot on my mind. A lot that I can't talk about. Weird things that bubble up at the wrong time (always at the wrong time) and I can't bring myself to inconvenience anyone or let myself feel that fragile.
So I haven't been. And I probably won't... not anytime soon anyway.
I need to force myself out of my stupor.
I need to get a shitty little job that I'll hate. I need a reason besides "it's almost noon" to be out of bed.
And then maybe, hopefully, some of these things that are killing me will begin to resolve.