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The brain

is firing and clicking and stalling and whirring around and I know .. I KNOW it is going to spill. It's going to spill something fierce. Where and when I do not know.
I've got my suspicions. Gotta make it spill where it will count.
I've got people here who are playing this game with me. Where they just keep assuming about me. And when I try to correct it, it just adds fuel to their fires of misconception. So I'm left mute. Chop off my hands, cut off my tongue, talk shit about me without knowing enough and then assume that because I'm not saying and doing all the right things to change your mind about me, that it must all be true.
That you are the king of perception and that you've seen right through to the heart of it.


The hell of it is, I've got mere aqquaintances doing it too. People who have thus far been only words... only capable of being mildly convinced of their existence in any sort of concrete and tactile way. They're all too wiling to put me in a box and slap on the lid. Pat and taken care of. All wrapped up.


pisses me off, yes it does.


Makes me want to shake people, yes it does.


But more than that, it makes me want to give up on them. Kick them right on out. Take a big eraser, a bottle of white out, a pressure washer.... make them not exist.


Of course, I won't do that. I don't give up on people too often.
maybe I should look into that.

Comments

drstinky
May. 18th, 2001 04:24 pm (UTC)
hrm
I still maintain that it can take time with lots of people that are worth it (it's hard to avoid generalities, either one grows out of them or they don't, but I think most people go through that phase of being a peabrain -- hehheh -- I just generalized =8-)), ALTHOUGH, if you're dealing with this:

"*Especially* when you were just the week before gushing at said person about how hard it was to get inside their head." -- that's kinda gay (in the eighties, non-sexual-orientation sense). Ugh. Poo.

You're guess is as good as mine as to why they wish for transparency in others -- maybe it has something to do with too many hours watching sit-coms as well...

If ya trust 'em, ya trust 'em, if ya don't ya don't -- we'll learn by fucking it up over and over again... as a great man once said, "don't let the bastards get to you"

Fuck -- I gotta get away from this advising tone -- sorry -- my woman was just telling me the other day about being on the comforting side rather than the advisory might be a good idea for me...

[insert comforting remark here]

stinkies.

POOP!




maddening
May. 18th, 2001 04:31 pm (UTC)
Re: hrm
I think my greatest sin has been expectation.
I keep expecting things.
Gotta cut that crap out.


But I have cookies now.
mjfgates
May. 18th, 2001 06:18 pm (UTC)
Re: hrm
I *had* cookies... but then the kids took most of 'em and ate them.

They do things like that.
fatblakdog
May. 18th, 2001 06:20 pm (UTC)
Re: hrm
Expectation is a dirty word. It fucks up a lot of good things. Just go in and take it as it comes if ya don't like it or don't feel it is worth it just stick it in a box and mail it to Santa Claus cuz that bastard knows what he is doing. I mean for christs sake the man knows you by name and whether or not you are naughty or nice. That in and of itself quailifies him deification in my book. Also anyone who can survive as many years as he has being as fat as he is has got to be at least a guitar god of some sort.

So like I was saying don't expect anything but if you insist on expecting anyways at least be smart enough to lower your expectations to the point where it is damn near impossible to be disappointed in anyone. It has certainly worked for me over the years. I don't think I would have met any of the losers I call friends if I had held any expectations of what I thought they should be. Kind of works on the gut instinct you were talkingabout as well. Always listen when it says jump. I mean no one ever does listen 100% of the time and hell sometimes when you do listen you get screwed any way but it helps out when things do go wrong. You've got something to blame that won't fight back when you realize you jumped in feet first into something that your rational mind would have been screaming bloody murder about you not doing, like say when your gut tells you that you could surivie the fall into the pit of molten hot magma you can just blame your gut instincts for being wrong when you are incinerated rather than yourself for not listening to common sense which was probably advising you against the perilous fall into the pit of liquid hot magma. But whatever you choose to blame or place responsibility for your actions on you have to live with the results either way.

So anyway I started ramblimg on there and have lost track of what I was trying to say originally. So I am going to tahiti case my gut instinct right now is to run for fear of retribution as a result of my current rramblings.

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