A Non-Newtonian Fluid (maddening) wrote,
A Non-Newtonian Fluid
maddening

I am someone who fears the consequences.
I fear the consequences so much that sometimes I'm paralyzed by that fear.
Paralysis in me will lead to bottling and bottling and bottling.
The contents of my bottles are corrosive, volitile, and will just randomly explode.

It's better when I don't bottle. For me. For the people who have to live around the bottles.
But I still fear the consequences.

I fear them quite a lot, even when I shouldn't and there is no reason to.

So when I actually DO talk about things and feel better afterward it's alien to me. But I also worry that I'm unfairly burdening someone else.
I also worry that me voicing my concerns will change things. Like I'm the damned butterfly in the rainforest and anything in the path of the shockwaves of my concerns will necessarily be changed by them.

I don't want to be a force of change in the places of my life that I really enjoy as is.
But I don't know if that's avoidable.
And that's where my fear of consequences comes in.

I'm okay, I'm good, I'm better than I was.

really.
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