THE KARL COMPELLS YOU.
THE KARL COMPELLS YOUUUUU.
And that was good.
So I'm all grooooggy right now, I'm supposed to go to the farmers market with my mom but right at the moment I can barely move. Under-caffineated, full of tight muscles in my neck and shoulders. I'm trying to drink some coffee (mmmm ground it this morning and it makes it just ... *drool* worthy) , trying *not* to just start screaming at the utter fucking stupidity that is Forrest Gump (it's on tv right now), trying to look up some stuff, downloading Actual Sounds & Voices (another Meat Beat Manifesto album), and hoping my connection holds up and lets me suck the server dry.
You saw that.
SUCK THE SERVER DRY.
Okay ... okay.. I can't just ignore it.
This piece of utter shit of a movie... Big budget, easily digested, Tom Hanks swill AGAIN AND STILL. If you read the original story on which it's based, you'd understand. Yes, I know.. the movie and the book should be taken seperately. And these two certainly are seperate, in that the book was an interesting, truthful story that didn't bother to make the characters LIKEABLE, and the movie cleaned everything up and gave it a happy shiny PG/ PC face and in the process more or less destroyed the things that made the book interesting.
My short list of bitches off the top of my head is the characters.
Mama - Not a cute, kind, well meaning, loving person. You get the impression from the book that she would have *much* preferred it if this lil crippled bastard kid had never been born, and if he HAD to be, hadn't been born a crippled idiot.
Bubba - Was a white football player at the university Gump went to and he had the remarkable influence on Gump of making him know it was okay to say 'niggers' as much as you pleased (but was also the only guy on the team who was nice to Gump).
Lietenant Dan - Was a DRAFTED SCHOOLTEACHER who DIED IN THE BUNK NEXT TO GUMP.
And Jenny was someone from his damned childhood that he was obsessed with who never ever ever loved him, needed him, wanted him, what have you. If I remember correctly, she never pops back up in the book.
Fine... book is different from the movie... that's fine. But could we have just a LITTLE bit of interest in the movie? Something that isn't so fucking disneyesque? Something that ISN'T so ... Tom-Hanks-Feel-Good? More and more anything with his name on it makes me roll my eyes. It's hard not to expect it to be a pile of goofy shit that'll sell. I mean...when he did bosom buddies... it was a horrible show, but he was actually funny.
But it's literally been downhill from there. Like that bad "stand up comedians" movie with Sally Field (who the hell would believe Sally "I can cry really hysterically on cue!" Field as a stand up?), or when they were trying to make him into the brunette Steve Martin with Woman in A Red Dress.
I hate that Sleepless in Seattle was ever ever made. Because there followed a craptacular flow of Meg Ryan 'romantic comedies' of different qualities and plots, but always just the same thing at root, some of which I actually find entertaining. Like French Kiss (because I adore Kevin Cline and some of the lines in it I just think are *really* funny) and .... hmm... is it Addicted to Love? Her and Matthew "Hi! I'm a nervous guy!" Broderick with the camera obscura, spying on their former fiances? And further down the road came You've Got Mail. The most blatant sign of the approaching apocalypse, really.
I've gotten way off the topic here...let me just .. recap and wrap this up.
Forrest Gump - Bad movie. Just the beginning in a long and ever increasing string of craptacular, box office hit, pieces of shit from Tom Hanks. Does he even BOTHER to read the scripts before he says yes? Hmm? Way too stupid and cutesy and just... bullshit. bullshit bullshit bullshit.
Tom Hanks - BAD
Sally Field - freaky cryer. watch Steel Magnolias and Soapdish to see what I mean.
Meg Ryan - Cute but BAD
Kevin Kline - can be my Pirate King anyday.
Coffee - good stuff.